two is hard, really hard

Several months ago, I posted about three big things that I was waiting on that were causing me a great deal of stress. Two of those waits (a job for hubby and the arrival of Benjamin) are now finished. I am thankful to God EVERY DAY for how those items ended up. Tim loves his job. It's an awesome fit for him. It's something that he can do for the rest of his life. It meets our needs. And as for Benjamin, we were able to have a successful homebirth which went very smoothly.

The third wait (Lydia's potty training) is once again at a standstill. She doesn't understand the process or notice her internal signals. At all. Her 3-year well-child visit is in about 6 weeks, and since I doubt that anything will change between now and then, I plan on asking her doctor about it. I have had other parents give me tips and stuff that worked for their children, but I don't know... maybe I'll just feel better if I hear from the doctor that she's still normal and not to worry about anything. And maybe she'll even have some suggestions that I haven't heard yet, and I could try those. There are a few things that I haven't tried (like having her run around in regular panties or w/o anything on her bottom at all)... but now that Benjamin's here, it would be hard to chase her around with a bottle of Resolve. We live in a tiny, yardless apartment where the only non-carpeted areas are the kitchen and the bathroom, and the latter might as well be carpeted b/c of all the bathmats that are in it. And the kitchen linoleum gets very slippery when wet, so I don't want her to fall and be afraid of the whole thing. But I am just waiting for now.

But aside from that, getting to the title of my post today... being a mom of two is hard, WAY WAY harder than being a mom of one. People have told me that going from one to two the hardest, harder even than going from two to three (maybe I need to hurry up and have #3 and that'll "cure" me, haha). But I had NO IDEA that it would be this difficult. My nearly 3 year old is becoming increasingly defiant, and I don't know if it's her age or if she's just testing me b/c of the new situation. I'm exhausted all the time and can't "sleep when the baby sleeps" like I could when I just had one, b/c otherwise my toddler would wreak havoc. Benjamin so far seems to be a more difficult baby than Lydia was, or maybe I'm just not remembering her early days very clearly. Stir in a significant helping of postpartum hormones and a mild to moderate case of the baby blues, and it's just not an appetizing mixture at all. I'm hoping to feel better in the next few weeks, but in the meantime, I am just taking one day at a time, one hour at a time. As hectic as this time is, I know that it'll pass way too soon, so I need to try to find the enjoyable moments and remember those.

And on that note, here's another few pictures from the past couple of weeks.

Hanging out in the living room.


Benjamin and his daddy.


A bad case of newborn acne... 19 days old is too young to be going through adolescence already.

baby has arrived and it's a....

boy!

I have a son now. Benjamin Luke was born at home on Saturday, October 10th at 2:08 a.m. He weighed 8 lbs 12 oz and was 22 inches long... with a 14.25" head! The birth was amazing and I'm so glad we chose to have him at home.

Lydia loves him so far and always wants to help me with him. She was even going to put him in his car seat for me the other day. So far, she doesn't do a lot of talking to him, but she does like to stand there and watch him and touch his hands and feet. Here she is holding him for the first time, when he was one day old.


And here's Benjamin at 7 days old, smiling in his sleep.


Tim's new job is going fine. He's still in training and is enjoying himself. He came home the other day with a HUGE box of uniforms. I am excited about that, because it means that I won't have to wash his work clothes every day like I did back when he was working at places where he only had 2 or so uniforms instead of 5-6.

My work is going fine as well. I got on with the third new transcription company but then had to turn around and request a leave of absence right away. I had Benjamin between the time I sent in my paperwork and when they wanted me to start work, and with the grandmas coming over and staying and just new-baby chaos in general, combined with the schedule they wanted me to work, adding in a few other things that I need to do before the end of the month... there was just no way I could do that transcription right now. I emailed them and asked if I could come back in January instead and they said that would be fine.

Tim's mom came down for a week before the baby was here and stayed for a few days afterwards, then the same day she left, my mom was able to come down and stay for a few days as well. Everyone is gone now, though, so when Tim goes back to work tomorrow, I will need to learn a new normal. It will be interesting to see how it all plays out.

I have a series of chiropractor appointments for the next few weeks, and also need to find some time to make our Halloween costumes. The four of us are dressing up as a theme this year, and I am so excited to see how it will come out.

a toddler's talent and sense of time

In the past, whenever Lydia gets a pen and paper, she just makes random circles, lines and scribbles. Even her name, when I write it out first, she'll make a few random scribbles and say, "that says Lydia." But yesterday, my mother in law gave her a notepad at church, and I noticed that Lydia was putting eyes and a mouth inside the circle, then adding legs and arms. :) So this morning, I asked her to draw a happy face, and she did. Then I asked for arms and legs, and she did that too. I love it. :)



And she is starting to develop a sense of time. Anything in the past happened "this morning" and anything in the future will happen "tonight." She uses these terms even if the events referred to are several days in the past or future. It is really so cute to see how her mind processes things as she gets older.

The pregnancy is still going. This is the longest that I've been pregnant now. I am due today, but there's absolutely nothing going on. I know that God is putting the finishing touches on my baking baby, though, and it will be born when the time is right. But I'm still hoping that the right time comes sometime this week. Mother in law came down on Saturday and is going to stay for about two weeks, to help me out postpartum. Hopefully most of these two weeks WILL be postpartum instead of pregnant, although I appreciate the help prepartum as well. :)

finding the potty contents

Sometimes when I change Lydia's #2 diapers, the wiping hurts her a little, and she cries and fights me. But of course if I leave anything on there, it'll be hurting even MORE later, so I just explain to her that I need to clean it all, and that if she could put her poop straight into the potty, then there wouldn't be so much wiping. Other times, I am ready to put a new diaper on and she starts crying saying that she needs to go potty (which I usually am doubtful of since her previous diaper was already full). But I let her sit on the potty and tell me when she's done, and I'll go and give her some "privacy." She usually tells me she's done after just a minute or so, and has had no results in the potty at all, but still goes ahead and wipes and flushes.

But this morning, I left her sitting on her potty while I put a load of diapers in the dryer. A minute later, she ran into the kitchen (our laundry nook is just off the kitchen) and I asked her if she was done yet. She said no and ran back to the bathroom. Then after another minute, she calls to me and said that she "found" some peepee. (I didn't know it was lost, lol.) I said, "You did? Let me see," and started towards the bathroom. But I should have told her that I was going to COME and see. She didn't realize that I was coming, because when I turned the corner to go down the hallway, she had already come out of the bathroom and down the hallway... carrying her half-full potty, to bring it to me so I could see. LOL. I'm amazed that she didn't spill any of it. So I took it back into the bathroom and took care of it and had her wipe and stuff, and gave her a hi-five.

Then I put a diaper back on her. LOL. All of these "random successes" are just that, random, and while this may be the start of something big, I'm not ready to go 100% to underwear yet, especially with the new baby coming any day now which may likely cause her to regress. Or who knows, she may see the diapers on the tiny baby and realize that she is SO much bigger than the baby and can do so much more, including going in the potty, and decide to ditch the diapers herself. But I'm not holding my breath for that, either.

But, yes, this baby is still baking. I'm not due until Monday, but if this pregnancy goes just like Lydia's did, then I'll have this baby tomorrow. But I'm trying to hold out until Friday. Either way, I'm doing fine. I had some swelling in my feet, but it was more concerning to me than to my care provider. My blood pressure is still hovering in the high 70s/low 80s, and I gained 3 lbs since last week. She thinks that it's going to be an 8-lb baby. I'm still having no regular contractions, and baby is still slightly posterior, so I'm working on getting him/her to float around to a better birthing position. But I am remembering Lydia's labor and am pretty sure I'll be able to recognize it in time to get everyone called in time.

Hubby called Schwan's on Thursday to get an update, and they were still waiting on his paperwork. But then Friday morning it finished coming through, so he started on Monday. They have an extensive 4-week training period that is divided up with daily tasks, but his first week has already had to be rearranged because their computers have been down, so he hasn't been able to do those training modules yet. Hopefully they're up so he can do them today. Tomorrow he goes in for an overnight, and then is off for the weekend, then the rest of his training is normal 5-day weeks, about 9 to 9.

a lot of progress

The Schwan's ride-along went very well, and they called Tim the next day to have him come in this past Thursday to "start the hiring process." Thursday and Friday he filled out paperwork for DMV background checks, took a drug test, went to a physical therapist so they could test him to see if he could physically perform the essential functions of the job, etc. They offered him the position, pending his paperwork coming back fine (waiting on the DMV and drug test). Depending on when it gets processed, he'll either start on Monday or on 10/5. I am so excited and thankful.

And my transcription is going fine as well. I did hear from the training department a week ago on Monday, and had a conference call orientation w/ them on Wednesday. Turned out that I needed only IE7 on my computer instead of IE8, b/c their software doesn't work at all w/ IE8. To downgrade, I had to reset my computer back to its factory settings. That took a couple of days, but everything is back to normal now and I've been able to start work with them (we'll call them ST). After six weeks, they are going to review my work and possibly take off the restrictions, so I may be able to do some longer files. I am also continuing with the other company, MWP, that I started with at the end of August. They communicate with me via YIM, and a few days ago, one of the "head" people there was asking how I was feeling and how much longer I had left and how long I'd need to take off afterwards. I told her, and she said that I was doing very well at the job and that when I came back from maternity leave, I might be able to become a team leader. :) I also did test w/ the last company, we'll call them TP, on Tuesday evening. The "invitation to test" email said that they'd let the testers know in a week how they did, and that week is up tomorrow. That company does both medical and general transcription, and the test had both aspects to it. I feel like I did well on it, but haven't heard anything from them yet.

Lydia's potty training had an "event" today. Tim was sitting in the bathroom with her, patiently, and she had some #1 in the potty. He put her in a Pullup. Then later, her Pullup was wet (but she also still went some in the potty, too). He put a new Pullup on, and that one got wet as well, so he put her back in a diaper after that. At bedtime when I was changing her, she asked for underwear. I politely declined her request since apparently she's still not ready. I explained that she could have underwear when she could go in the potty within a few seconds of sitting on it instead of the "hours" that it takes her now. She didn't argue or complain. And since I'm due in under 2 weeks now, the likelihood of having two in diapers is up to nearly 100%.

Speaking of which, WOW, I am due in under two weeks! I have random contractions now and then, but nothing regular. I'll have two that are 10 minutes apart, then another one a few hours later, then nothing until the next day where I'll have a tiny batch of them that are about 7-9 minutes apart, then a few more hours of nothing, etc. I'm ready for this baby to come, but just hope that I can recognize real labor when it happens. With Lydia, my real contractions even felt different than the BH contractions. But with this baby, some of the "fake" contractions feel JUST like real ones. I need to call some people when labor starts, but it just seems like if I wait too long to be sure that it's "started" then it'll be too late in the game to call people. :p

A couple of my friends hosted a tea party for me on Sunday afternoon. It was a time to just hang out w/ a few friends and drink tea and eat chocolate and fruit, and it was great to share those couple of hours with everyone. We played a couple of games: draw-the-baby-on-the-paper-plate-on-your-head, and cut-off-a-piece-of-string-that-will-fit-around-the-mama-belly. Everyone overestimated my belly, even me. Then at the end of the shower, I got a very unexpected blessing. If I wasn't so in shock at the time, I probably would have started bawling right then. In the past, when I have been feeling down about things, people would tell me about their unexpected BIG blessings that had happened to them, and I'd be happy for them, but at the same time, "know" that HUGE stuff just never happened to me and probably wouldn't happen. But now it has. And I'm sitting here bawling now, thinking about it. God knew not only what I needed, but when I needed it. To Him be the glory.

a little progress

Well, it turns out that the Pizza Hut egg was a dud. But no worries, b/c several paths seem to be opening for us. Hubby has a ride-along with Schwan's on Tuesday to see what a normal day like that would be, then afterwards he can call the company and let them know if he wants to move forward w/ the application process. Monday, he calls the manager of On the Border to schedule a third interview with them. Wednesday night, he goes up to UPS for about an hour and a half to get a feel for what that would be, and would go forward w/ the application process after that.

Meanwhile, I've heard back from two more transcription companies. One of them has all my paperwork, and I'm just waiting to hear back from the training department, should be Monday. And another company contacted me yesterday, inviting me to test w/ them. That test isn't due until Wednesday, so depending what I hear on Monday from the other company, I will do my tests on Monday night.

Pregnancy is moving right along. I'm nearly 37 weeks now, and not nearly as "done" with my to-do list as I'd liked to have been by this point. I think I need to RE-do it again, b/c as time keeps marching on, the items that I feel "have" to be done before the baby comes get fewer, and more and more items can just be pushed back a little bit. But my appointments are going OK. My blood pressure is rising a little bit, so I'm hoping that stays low enough through the rest of the time.

Lydia asked to go potty tonight, while at someone else's house, so I took her into the bathroom and took off her dry diaper (that she had been wearing for about 60-75 minutes), and sat her on the potty... where she proceeded to do nothing. :p After a minute or so she said she was done, so I put her diaper back on. Who knows, she may yet train herself after all, and my year of worry will have been for nothing.

sigh

I wasn't really sure what to title this entry. I thought about "not feeling positive anymore." But I am positive about one thing... stress is eating me up. I've now lost my appetite and am just forcing myself to eat. I still haven't made any additional progress at all on my pre-baby to-do list. And that stuff NEEDS to be done, b/c I'm not a kangaroo who can just put her baby's development on pause until times are better.

And I'm still waiting for times to be better. It's been two weeks since Tim put all his eggs in the Pizza Hut basket, and that egg has not hatched yet. His former boss is under the impression that Tim quit without notice, but when Tim was working cleaning pools, his hours early on were such that he couldn't work at PH as well, and he told PH that he'd need to take some time off until things stabilized. Then when things DID stabilize in the pool business, he called PH to get back on the schedule, and was told that the position was filled.

He is going to meet w/ his former manager on Monday at 2:00 to discuss things. That store is the one that has a current opening. And if it doesn't work out, then the next opening at a different store wouldn't be until mid-September. I am hopeful, but VERY cautiously so, that the face-to-face meeting will clear up any misunderstandings and Tim will be able to work there again.

But even with Pizza Hut, even at the assistant manager level, it will not quite meet our monthly needs. And there have been no leads or searches or anything for a morning/early afternoon job for Tim.

Meanwhile, I've been applying to various transcription companies. The (general, not medical) transcription that I've been doing for over two years is with a company that has peaks and valleys, and even in the peaks, it only yields me $150/month. The valleys yield $0/month. So I'm looking for something that's a little more consistent over time. So far, I've found one that will bring in about $12/day. I am waiting to test and waiting on test results for a couple of other companies, and late next week (depending on how/when I hear from my pendings) I have another several that I can apply to.

And I have decided NOT to try to potty train Lydia. I've finished reading all my books, and decided that she's not ready. There are four areas of "readiness" and she's ready in three of them, but WAY behind in the physical area, so I'm waiting. I'm at the point where I'm going to ask about it at her 3-year visit, unless she "magically" trains herself before then.

an update of nothing

I haven't done anything on my to-do list yet, but will definitely be starting up on it next week as the transcription winds down. I've also set a date for my attempt to potty train Lydia -- August 31. I'll give it that Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, then if it doesn't work, she goes back into diapers until sometime this winter, after we've all adjusted to the new baby.

New baby is doing well. On Monday, I'll have just 7 weeks left until my due date. While it's still August, I still "feel" like I have two months left, but those months are getting shorter and shorter.

Hubby has quit his current job. He does not yet have a new one lined up. He quit yesterday, after he spoke with someone at Pizza Hut and they scheduled him for an interview this afternoon. He was THAT confident that he'd get a position. He feels that working at PH, he'll at least be bringing in SOME income, and he'll have more time during the day to job hunt and go to any interviews (of course, to do that, he first has to HAVE interviews) that come up. When he turned in his items at Reliant, they told him he was welcome back at any time.

So the interview came today, and he came home and told me that they would start him off as a driver, and would be a team leader after that, and a minimum of six months before he'd be an assistant manager. He also said that they told him there were several positions in the area, and they would need to look at the different stores to see where his best fit would be and would call him Wednesday. So I asked him if that means that he's definitely hired but they just need to find a spot for them, and he said that he hopes so. That answer did nothing helpful for my stress level. Wednesday seems so far away, especially with nothing going on Monday or Tuesday.

daily to-dos turn into weekly to-dos, and job stuff, and toddler cuteness

I had been doing a daily to-do list, and found it helpful initially, but now that transcription is picking up quite a bit, I've found that I don't have time to go through each day's whole list. So from here on out, I plan on making a weekly to-do list, including items that don't get crossed off, but instead are "as-needed" such as laundry and dishes. I will include in these weekly to-do lists items from my "big" list. Here's the original list, as a refresher:

- continue hoping and praying for Tim's job situation to get more stable before baby arrives
- pack up Lydia's outgrown clothes
- install infant carseat
- clean out corner of our bedroom where crib will go (includes going through craft stuff)
- move small bathroom cabinet into hallway
- move changing table into bathroom
- sew a bunch of newborn gowns
- dye some infant diapers
- move craft supplies into spot in Lydia's room that used to have the changing table
- move rocking chair into our bedroom
- move crib into our bedroom
- get bunk bed pieces from our friends' house
- assemble bunk bed for Lydia
- wash out chlorine buckets and cover with contact paper

Here's what I've completed:

- pack up Lydia's outgrown clothes
- clean out corner of our bedroom where crib will go (includes going through craft stuff)
- move small bathroom cabinet into hallway
- move changing table into bathroom
- dye some infant diapers
- move craft supplies into spot in Lydia's room that used to have the changing table
- move crib into our bedroom
- get bunk bed pieces from our friends' house
- assemble bunk bed for Lydia

And here's the new list, with a few things added, and sorted in order of priority:

- continue hoping and praying for Tim's job situation to get more stable before baby arrives
- finish working transcription peak season
- install infant carseat
- move rocking chair into our bedroom
- attempt to potty train Lydia
- sew a bunch of newborn gowns
- wash out chlorine buckets
- transfer play food crochet patterns from chicken-scratch notebooks into a nice printout from the computer
- make one of each play food item and take pictures and put on Facebook fan page
- cover chlorine buckets with contact paper

I'm sure there are a few things that I'm forgetting. And I don't know if all of this will be done before the baby arrives, but that is my goal. Everything after "wash out chlorine buckets" is a low-ish priority, and it would be wonderful if it were done before baby comes, but I wouldn't be heartbroken if it wasn't.

Regarding potty training Lydia, I am continuing my research and mentioning things to her. One of the things I'm trying to get her to understand is whether her diaper is dry or wet (we use cloth diapers w/o a cover at home, so it's easy for me to have her check). Unfortunately, she doesn't seem to "get it" yet. I'm hopeful that she will realize the difference between wet and dry sometime before we do the potty training in a couple of weeks. I don't understand what's different about her diaper, b/c she totally knows the difference between many other things that are wet/dry. I am thinking that I will pass on the 3-day method that I mentioned in an earlier entry, and instead use the method outlined in this book instead. The latter method is a little more involved on the parent's part than the 3-day method is. I am still keeping the "three days" though in that that is how much time I will devote to it right now, and if it doesn't work by then, it's back into diapers she goes until sometime this winter, when we'll give it another try.

Hubby has had a few tiny leads for a new job. I'm cautiously hopeful, but interviews haven't even been scheduled yet and it's not even a guarantee that those will happen. But he has made more contact w/ a few places besides just the initial application, so that is encouraging.

Lydia received a bag of hand me down clothes the other day. I hadn't told her what was in the bag, but she explored it anyway and unloaded the contents onto the floor. Then she tried on random pieces. At one point, she stood right in the middle of the pile and looked around and said, "hmmmmm...... I need a..... hmmm... I need a jackiet!" And she grabbed a "jacket" and put it on. (Really it was an airy crocheted shirt that goes over another shirt).


She also ate a raw biscuit the other day. I was baking a can of them, and had lined them up on the baking tray, then turned around to wash my hands before sticking them in the oven. When I turned back around, a biscuit was missing. Lydia had run off with it and taken a bite. And she must have liked it, because when it was swallowed, she asked for another one.

The transition to the big girl bed is going well. I've shortened her nap from 3 hours to 2 hours, and I think that is helping. For the first several days, she would get up early and open her dresser and unload all the clothes, and I scolded her for that. I think it's finally sinking in that I don't want her to do that, though, because of what she said the other night when I put her to bed. I was giving her the bedtime instructions ("Ok climb into bed, pull up your covers, give me a hug and kiss") and she added her own and said, "and do NOT get up and get the clothes out." She was so serious when she said it, too. It's hard to not laugh. :)

work, work, work

So far, hubby's work has not picked up very much. He is still on the job hunt. He went to an "informational meeting" this morning and if this company is going to call him for an interview, it won't be until Friday at 5:00 pm. Meanwhile, he is still applying at lots of random places, and continuing with Reliant.

My work is starting to pick up, though. I still have the financial transcription that I do quarterly, and last week started four weeks of "peak." I am also attempting to jump-start my play food again by offering several weekly free-for-shipping drawings of up to $12/worth of food. I even made a Facebook fan page for it (a work in progress... eventually I will have on there a picture of everything I offer). And so far, the drawings seem to be working, because I have a "real" order that I'm soon to start. (I also have a few orders that I'm going to trade for things.) I also might be able to be a nanny next month for a family, until their day care spot opens up.

I intended to do attempt an intensive few days of potty training with Lydia last week, but will have to put it off for a few more weeks because of the transcription. Meanwhile, though, I am continuing to read my library books on the matter, and am starting to introduce a few concepts to her here and there, to gradually expose her to what we'll be doing with more effort in a few weeks. I'm picking points from several different methods, and will give the training effort three full days of undivided attention, and if it's not completed by then (or very nearly so) then I have no qualms about putting her back in diapers until well after the baby comes. But, if she is ready and just needs a little push, I want to give her that little push, so that I'm not forever asking myself "what if?"