Saturday, December 23, 2006

my first truly sleep deprived night

Our baby is HERE!!!! Cliff Notes version: Baby girl Lydia Celeste born Tuesday night, December 5th. 12 hours of labor, entirely unmedicated. We had her 3 hours after we got to the hospital. Weighed 7 lbs 3 oz and was about 21 inches long. :)
Here is the full version of my birth story, with a link to pictures.

Lydia is 18 days old today and I wonder if she may be starting her 3-week growth spurt early. From about noon yesterday all the way through 5:00 this morning, she was wanting to eat every hour to hour and a half. I really wanted to bring her into bed with us so I could sleep and nurse at the same time, but I haven't quite learned how to feed her while lying down yet. I barely had time to eat, and could only take a few bites in between nursing sessions. I was able to get her to nap in the sling and I was excited about that, because previously whenever I'd put her in the sling while she was awake, she would get mad. She did get mad yesterday too, but I was standing with her and swayed back and forth about twice, and then all of a sudden she was asleep. That didn't help MY sleep situation any, but at least Lydia was able to take a nap.

After 5 am, she did let me sleep all the way to 10, so that was my sleep for the night. Now I'm up for the day and we'll do it all again. I had wanted to do some of my work at home stuff today but don't know if I'll be able to or not. We'll have to wait and see if Lydia will sleep later, and also if there happens to be work available while she is sleeping. I am going to put her swing together and see how she likes that. I haven't "needed" it yet and was wondering if we would. I hope she finds it calming.

Saturday, December 2, 2006

already missing work a little, and "crazy" mom to be

Yesterday and today are my first two days REALLY off work. Today is of course Saturday but yesterday felt like Saturday too. I have been working for about 12.5 years, with a brief break to "try" college (but that's a story for another blog lol). I pretty much always knew that when the time came I would be a stay at home mom, but now that the time is nigh, I actually really miss working. I miss my coworkers from all 3 of the jobs I've had while here in Missouri, I miss the work, and I'll definitely be missing the pay. LOL. We are going to easily be able to live just on hubby's income, but I'll still do my LiveOps (my work at home gig) thing here and there for some extra money. I'll have a shower sometime this week (possibly tomorrow) and have asked friends who have children already what I still need, and my hostesses have asked for that list. I have registered also but most of my registry items are non-essential. I purposely left off things like socks, clothes, blankets, etc b/c in my limited experience, people will get those things for you anyway. But anyway about work. I left so far before my due date so I could have some time to "nest" and finish things up around the house before the baby comes, but for some reason even having all this time off isn't motivating me to do that. I have sewing to do and sewing supplies to organize, and a hospital bag to pack (especially with the roads still frozen... I don't want to have to send hubby home 5 times for this and that). But so far I've only been motivated to take a nap. :P I think later tonight and tomorrow and so forth I'll be a little more motivated... this afternoon I have an hour and a half shift for LiveOps and recently even the half-hour shifts tired me out, but hopefully I'll feel energized and motivated afterwards and can do some sewing after dinner tonight. Or tomorrow. :P

My mom has been calling every day wanting news... makes me wish that I had stuck to my original plan of telling people I was 2 weeks less along than I actually was. It would have been a good plan, too, if they didn't wrangle the fact that I was pregnant out of me when I was home at 5w4d for my grandfather's funeral. If they're already calling me every day now, they'll probably up it to twice a day as my due date approaches, and I just feel certain that I'll go overdue. I may just have to turn my phone off and change my outgoing message to "No, we haven't had the baby yet. We will call you back when there's news. Feel free to leave a message." But anyway Mom is asking about names, etc., and we really don't have those picked out yet. We feel this baby is a girl so we sortof have a girl's name picked, but that may change when it's born... and as for a boy's name, we haven't even talked about it for several months so we'll definitely have to have a big discussion if this baby is a boy. :P But Mom is sad that we're not sharing our names choices. She says that I'm crazy, and says it with a tone that she uses when she is really mad at me like I'm doing something wrong. Well guess what, Mom, you have no idea just how "crazy" I'm going to end up being. (with cloth diapering and planning to nurse our baby for at least a year or so). I'm sure she will have lots of words to say about that. Maybe she won't find out about the cloth diapers right off though since we'll start off using 'sposies and I have to take the baby go to see her since she won't be able to come see me. Even if we've started using cloth by then I'll probably switch back to sposies for the trip since it won't be very convenient to try and find a washing machine once a day for 10+ straight days. :P

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

countdown to last day of work

Yay, only 5.5 more days of work and then I will be a full-time mommy. :) And the days will go fast, too... Fridays, Saturdays and Mondays are VERY busy (although my supervisor said that this Friday will actually be unusually slow), Tuesday I am training a new person on how to do one of my assigned tasks so that'll take up a good bit in the afternoon, and then hopefully Wednesday and Thursday will just fly by. :)

We gave Tuxedo to hubby's parents... he never did stop pooping on the floor here no matter what the litter box(es) arrangement was, plus he would always pick on Rainy, biting her to the point of bleeding, etc. Hubby's mom said that he is fitting in well there, and Rainy seems SO much happier now that she is alone. She is "lonely" too though and wants lots more attention than she used to.

I had another prenatal appointment yesterday and everything is going fine. I'm still not having any swelling or other late-pregnancy discomforts and my doctor says that the baby is still head-down. Only 2.5 weeks until my due date, so probably about 4 weeks until it's born, given my family history of going late. I'm not even going to get anxious about all the projects and things that I still want to finish before the baby arrives yet, and I'm definitely not going to get excited about an impending birth until my due date. Too much excitement will wear me out, lol.
Thanksgiving is tomorrow and since I'm so far along, hubby and I aren't going out of town. No family or anyone is coming here, either, so we'll just have a "mini" Thanksgiving dinner with just the two of us. We'll have turkey, green bean casserole, pumpkin cornbread, brown'n'serve rolls, sweet potato casserole, cranberry sauce, and mashed potatoes. And hopefully tons of leftovers for the next several days. :P

Saturday, November 11, 2006

home stretch plus holidays equals new priorities

Wow, today I am 36 weeks. Only 4 more weeks until my due date, so baby will be here anytime from 2-6 weeks from now. I'm definitely in the home stretch, and counting the days until my last day at work. (13 working days and about 18 calendar days). Today I'm trying to get caught up on some things around the house. After I wash my sheets today, when I remake the bed, I'll put a painter's drop cloth over the mattress and mattress pad. I also want to do some more sewing. I still have that fleece coat that I want to cut out (it is one that also has an extra zip-in panel so I can wear it around just me or around me AND the baby). Plus my sewing things in general need to be organized. Then after I do that coat, I'll see what I have fabric-wise and try to make some nursing clothes.

At Thanksgiving I'll be just under 38 weeks, so we're not going very far out of town. A family from church wants to do something together with us but it might not be right on that day. Whatever we do, it hopefully will be fairly mild. In Thanksgivingses past, I would always look forward to making food and eating and having leftovers for days. But this year the food just doesn't seem that important to me. It's definitely a year to focus more on the "thanks" in Thanksgiving. And then Christmas is shortly after that, and I've done no shopping. DH and I are going to do that on Monday morning, but have already decided to get our siblings gift cards. Kindof lame, I know, but adult siblings that you hardly see or talk to are very hard to shop for. But we'll get something "real" for our parents, and also spend a little time pointing out things that we ourselves like so we can go back later and pick out gifts for each other.

Childbirth classes are going fine. Our teacher skips around in the curriculum, and last week we went over the newborn care lesson, which is the last one in the book. She said in the past that if she went through the book front to back, her couples would randomly go into labor at 36 weeks and miss the newborn care class, so she puts that one in earlier. And of course she made that comment within days of ME reaching 36 weeks. :P But it just made me excited for this little one to come. Our hospital tour is Wednesday evening. I can go to classes and read books and talk online about having a baby, but the labor and delivery tour will really be a wake-up call to me, and make this baby feel even more real.

My appointment yesterday went fine. I'm still not having a whole lot of late-pregnancy discomforts, BP is fine, weight is fine. I measured a week behind, but I have yet to have an appointment where I measure right on so that's pretty normal for me. Because of the weird schedule, I'm not having another appointment until the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. I did have my GBS test yesterday and she said they culture it for 48 hours and then will mail me the results. So hopefully by Wednesday or Thursday I should know those results, and start to plan for an IV or not.

Our male cat is still going #2 outside the litter box, but our in-laws want to take him. When DH goes down there in a couple of days he'll take Tuxedo with him. I think he'll do better there with the change of scenery, and when DH and I move again it'll be a lot easier to find an apartment that will let us have one cat than it would be to find one that would let us have two cats. (What the big deal is between one cat vs two I'll never know, but some apartments have a limit of one pet.) Plus now there will be half as much hair and half as much cat food and litter to buy. Going down to one income, every little bit helps.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

birth plan, version 1.1

Well, I wrote up our birth plan and took it to our prenatal appointment yesterday. And can I just say I love my doctor? She really should have been a midwife because on SO many things she just has more of a midwifey attitude than a medical attitude. She totally sees birth as the natural event that unfolds in its own time and own way than the medical event that should be managed into a standard mold to fit all women.

Anyway here is the birth plan:

Throughout labor and delivery of the baby, Tim (lastname) (baby's father) and J_____ ____ (doula) will remain with me. I have faith that my care providers during this birth will allow me and Tim to make informed decisions regarding all procedures. outlined below are our preferences for labor and delivery. We expect a normal, uncomplicated, vaginal delivery, but understand that things may happen beyond our control. If complications arise, we would like to try the least invasive intervention first, if possible.

Here are our preferences should the birth procede normally:

First stage of labor:

- I prefer a heplock and oral hydration instead of an IV.

- I would liked to be hooked up to a fetal monitor as infrequently as possible and would like a telemetry unit if one is available.

- I would like to move around freely, use a birthing ball, and change positions for comfort.

- I realize that there are several options for pain relief available to me. We are planning a drug-free birth, though, so I do not wish to have drugs offered to me.

- I would like infrequent vaginal exams, and I don't want to be told each time how dilated I am unless I ask. If I seem "stalled" at a particular measurement and I and baby are still doing fine, I wish to give my body time to finish laboring on its own before discussing augmentation or a surgical birth.

Second stage of labor:

- To help my perineum stretch gradually, I would like warm compresses, perineal massage, and slow pushing. I wish to avoid an episiotomy and would rather tear than be cut.

- I would like to push with my body's own urges, taking a new breath as necessary, instead of holding my breath and pushing to a count.

- We did not find out the gender prenatally and would like to see for ourselves what our "surprise" is instead of having it announced.

After birth of baby:

- Baby's father would like to cut the cord, after delivery of the placenta.

- I would like to breastfeed immediately after delivery, to help contract the uterus and deliver the placenta. Please no shots of pitocin or uterine massage without discussing first.

- I wish to keep my baby skin to skin immediately after delivery, with assessments and tests delayed for bonding time or done while baby is in mother's arms.

- We want to room in with our baby for our entire hospital stay.

- We have chosen to decline antibiotic drops in baby's eyes.

- We have also chosen to decline a hepatitis B vaccine. Baby will receive that vaccine at a later well-baby visit.

- If baby is a boy, we do not want him circumcised while in the hospital.

- Baby's father would like to give the baby its first bath.

I do have to revise a couple of things on here but they are VERY minor and I'll post the updated version after my next appointment in a couple of weeks. :)

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

still pregnant with #1, but already worrying about the birth of #2

Guess I'd better get an entry in here before October leaves us since I haven't done anything for this month yet. :P

I am now 32 and a half weeks pregnant with baby #1. December is just around the corner, and I have faith in God and my body that the birth will be fine and I will be able to push him/her out with few interventions from the hospital. My doctor and I are so far in agreement of the few "major" items I've mentioned on my birth plan. I'm going to take a rough draft to her this Friday to discuss the rest of the options I'd like to have available to me while I am in labor.

We searched for a doula and I interviewed 3 of them who do it professionally, but didn't really click with any of them as much as I would have liked to. A close friend of mine had a home birth this past June, after having a C-section in June of '05, and early in my pregnancy I thought of asking her to be at the birth, but didn't know if she could make it since she had two young children who would need looking after. But it turns out that all this time she had been wanting to offer to be at the birth but didn't want to make herself seem too pushy or anything. :P So she will come over sometime in early (but active) labor and help me stay at home as long as possible, then help hubby to be an advocate for me at the hospital and keep the nurses away during a contraction and help me to not be overcome with a bunch of interventions.

When I think about the upcoming birth, I don't really know how it will turn out (like with how long it will last and will it happen at night or at day, etc.). But I do feel peaceful about the whole thing. That is the feeling I have most, above even excitement and anticipation.

Now for our second birth, hubby and I will probably try for a home birth, or at the very least a birth center birth. We will probably be living in a different state by then so I won't be able to take my hospital experience with me, even if it is a good one. Just before my last appointment, I got a copy of my medical records and noticed that my dr had accidently put "does want antibiotic eyedrops" instead of "does not want antibiotic eyedrops." I got them b/c I was going out of town the next day and if something should happen I wanted the records with me. Well I happened to be talking to my mom and let it slip that there was that error on my chart. She went ballistic. I told her why we weren't doing it and later she talked about it to my dad. I called her again today, just to say hi and stuff, and she said that my dad wasn't going to say anything but that if we didn't get the drops and there was something wrong w/ the baby's eyes then he was going to sue our doctor! Um, wouldn't that be MINE and HUBBY's decision as the baby's parents?

Before hubby and I started trying to get pregnant, he let slip at a family gathering that we would try for a homebirth. I'm sure my parents are just ecstatic that we are going to a hospital this time. We WILL do a homebirth or birth center birth next time, but I am already worried about the reaction my parents will have and the discussions we would have over the 9 months of that pregnancy. I mean, if they get THAT ballistic (threating to sue my doctor??? how meddlesome can you be, really) over just eye drops, then they would surely completely flip out over an entire BIRTH at home. At my last prenatal appointment, my doctor HERSELF even said that she is supportive of home birth (but wouldn't do it herself b/c she has seen everything that can go wrong). I would hate to cut ties with my family for the duration of the pregnancy, but I just have a feeling that is what I might have to do because I doubt they would do the reading and research and everything to have a rational discussion, and instead try to use scare tactics to get me to change my mind.

Well guess what mom and dad, I'm an adult; I'm my own person; I really do have a good thinking head on my shoulders; and I am your stubborn daughter and I will not let you "scare" me into going to the hospital. Please, just accept that, and let's be friends again, ok?

Friday, September 29, 2006

parents' visit and more work on nursery

My parents came to visit all this week, and we had a good time. :) Hubby and I live close to a tourist town, so we went down there for shopping and shows early in the week, then when hubby had to go back to work, Mom and I started our marathon shopping sessions here in town for baby things. I definitely have a good start in supplies now, but she will probably be sending me some burp cloths, towels, and washcloths later on.

While they were here, Dad and hubby put together all the nursery furniture. I still have a few tiny things to sew (a couple of sheets, and re-doing the tabs on the bumper b/c I ended up not liking the way they turned out once installed on the crib), but the nursery bedding is pretty much done. Then I can sew my fleece coat that will have a zip-in baby panel so I can wear the coat over me AND the baby when it comes, and also I can make some nursing clothes too. But for a few days, I need a REST from sewing. :P I've been go go go the past few weeks and am taking a break. Plus Mom was helping me organize the nursery, and piled a bunch of my sewing stuff together so I need to go through it and really see what all I have, and what fabric can be used to make something and what fabric is just scraps. And there is the big box of CD's and tapes and miscellaneous electronic wires that I need to go through too. It is all out of the way in the closet right now, but I need to go through it so it's not piled quite so high as to be blocking the hanging bars. I want to hang up some of the cute li'l baby clothes when I get them. :)

Anyway Mom of course got to feel the baby kick several times this week and is still convinced that this one "needs" to be a girl. She gets frustrated b/c we didn't find out, AND also b/c we are keeping any names a secret until the baby comes. She doesn't know if she will be able to come up right after the birth or not but since I'll be staying at home then, I'll be able to come up in January sometime. She said she wanted to wait and see what hubby's parents were going to do, since they're closer, etc.

But back to the nursery. Now that all the furniture is put together and I can go in there and sit and rock and look at everything that is just ready and waiting for the baby, it is SO real to me. This baby is COMING! I'm really starting to get excited. :) I think my cats knew something was up all week, but now that Mom and Dad have left and the house is quiet again, they probably think everything is normal again. :P They are in for a big surprise in a few months.

Our childbirth classes are still going fine. I was going to take Mom to the class with us this week but our teacher ended up being sick and had to cancel class. Mom was kindof sad too, which was surprising b/c when I first "invited" her, she wasn't interested in coming since she went to classes w/ my sister already.

Also while Mom and Dad were here, I showed them the LiveOps thing. Dad thought it was cool and wanted to do it, but changed his mind when I told him that the phone line to use had to be free of call-waiting, etc. I need to start that back up but will probably wait until tomorrow or Sunday and try to "recover" from my vacation today. Mom said that if I lived in her town then she could hook me up with some freelance transcription work so I sortof wish that I did, but maybe someday we'll be closer.

Saturday, September 9, 2006

nursery bedding makes baby feel more real

I'm about 40% of the way done w/ sewing the nursery bedding as of this morning. I've completed both curtains (though eventually I may re-do the sheers b/c I'm not sure if the look of them will "grow" on me or not... I'll post a picture early next month), and just have the tiniest bit of hand sewing left on the blanket and the crib bumper. The 4 sheets and the crib skirt and the wall hanging and the diaper organizer are still not started yet, but based on how fast these other projects are coming together I think that I will be able to finish at least the sewing before my parents visit in 2 weeks. I originally wanted to have the nursery completely assembled by then, but maybe they can help me assemble everything when they come. :) I am skipping sewing maternity clothes though until the nursery bedding is finished and the random boxes in the nursery are moved out of the way.

Anyway, this past weekend I went to visit Tim's extended family (cousins, etc). This is the family that we go see every Thanksgiving, too, but I had to miss last year b/c of work, and will have to see how I feel this year since I'll be 38 weeks along. During the visit, I had brought the bumper ties with me so I could finish the hand sewing on those. While I was sewing, I was talking to the baby since he/she can hear me now. I said "I'm making this for you, baby. I hope you like it." Then it sortof "sunk in" more that yes, I am going to be a mother in about 3 months. Yesterday I kept telling the baby "I hope you like it" as I worked on its quilt. I showed Tim the quilt when he came home and he thought it was just fabulous the way it turned out so far. He looked at the rough color drawing that I had made early in the bedding planning process and was amazed that the "real thing" looked so much better. I can hardly wait for the baby to come and actually use these things I'm sewing. :) Speaking of sewing, I have a bunch of fabric to make a wrap maternity dress, but am thinking now that I will use it to make a nursing top and a matching baby outfit. The fabric is yellow and red so that is gender neutral enough. Mom has sent over a few random cute sleepers and onesies but it'll be neat to have something for the baby that I made, too.

We had our first Bradley class this week. I think the relaxation methods and other excercises will definitely come in handy. I'm looking forward to Tuesday nights. Part of the class is about nutrition, so for the duration of the class, I have to write down everything I eat and count the protein in it. Guess my days of snacking on endless bags of chips are over. :P

Sunday, August 27, 2006

so many people haven't felt a baby kick

This morning after church, TinyOne was moving a lot. One of the newly married girls there said that she wanted to feel it next time it was kicking. Since it was kicking a lot right then, I invited her to sit next to me and feel it. She said, "Ooo this is so exciting!" and that she had never felt a baby kick before.

This makes two people who I've let feel the baby kick who said they've never felt one before. I don't know if times have changed and women don't "share" their pregnant bellies as much anymore, or if maybe I was unusual growing up and just happened to have a bunch of pregnant women around who were willing and able to let me and others feel the kicks. Maybe it's because I'm a first-time mom but I think these kicks are so amazing and I want to share them with everyone! Especially those who haven't gotten to feel a baby kick before. And maybe it just could be that the typical pregnant woman WOULD share her tummy but waits for others to ask her if it's OK to touch, rather than her openly inviting others to feel. Anyway that is my random thought for today. :)

Friday, August 18, 2006

heat is unmotivating for anything except a nap

It is hot hot hot. The heat index has been well over a hundred degrees for over a month with very little relief in the form of rain or anything. And in a black car, there is definitely no escape from the heaviness of it all.

I work all day in the air conditioning and then get into my hot car to make the 5-minute drive home. But in just those 5 minutes, the heat seeps all the way into my bones. I leave work with such good intentions of going home and doing some sewing, but for the past several days I have done none of that. On a few days I had "excuses" like "oh today is laundry day" or "today I need to go grocery shopping" or "the dishes are starting to stack up, I need to wash them". And I do those other chores, but there was more than enough time for sewing also. And it's not like I picked a complicated pattern to get back into the swing of things either. I'm making a pair of maternity khaki pants... 5 construction seams, two hems, an elastic waistband and we're done. So if I started it on Sunday or Monday, then by Friday I should have definitely already been DONE with the pants and on to a nursery item. But I've only managed to sew one seam each day just about. I did get off an hour early today and have a shift later this evening to do w/ LiveOps for an hour and a half, so I am going to take advantage of this afternoon and SEW THOSE PANTS even if it kills me. And then I should even be able to start in on the nursery curtains. My self-imposed deadline is creeping up rapidly, and I won't have all of Labor Day weekend like I originally thought I would. Hubby's family (including his sister that I've never met) will be here so I will be spending time with them.

That's about all I wanted to say today so off I go to sew.

Monday, August 14, 2006

coworkers got to feel the baby

Two of my coworkers got to feel the baby today. :D I had tried to have one of them feel it the other day, but baby of course got still and quiet when I called her over. But today, he/she was moving a TON so I let her feel again today. She was feeling my strong pulse first and thought that was kicking, but I didn't feel anything so I knew it was my pulse and told her so. Then the baby gave her a VERY big kick. The other coworker was watching and saw the girl's hand move when my baby kicked her. :P So then my second coworker gave me her hand and was able to feel several good kicks too.

We did have our ultrasound this past Wednesday and did keep the gender a surprise. Our doctor has a guess though. I didn't even realize that is what she was looking at until she went away all of a sudden and said "OK I have a guess for the gender." I have seen so many gender shots online, etc that if I had been paying attention and not spacing out I probably could have had a guess too. I think come December and this baby's birth day though I will be very glad that we didn't find out early. I'm still having strong girl feelings but a few people are starting to seriously guess boy so who knows.

I have one more hem to sew tonight and then all my mending will be done, and I can get started up on the "fun" sewing... namely maternity clothes and nursery items. I want to have the entire nursery done (including the closet cleaned out and my sewing/crafts pile organized, etc) by the time my parents come in the last week of September. I plan to sew maternity garments and nursery items alternately and then when I have a few days off I'll do the "organizing" part. Unfortunatly my next day off is going to be the Saturday before Labor Day... BUT I also have Labor Day off too so hopefully it will be a very productive weekend.

Saturday, August 5, 2006

fun and games while watching the belly move

Today in the middle of chores, I took a little break to lie down and WATCH my belly move. When I feel the kicks, they feel strong enough to me that they might show up on the outside, so I thought I'd try and see them. The baby was moving a lot and I could see it! It was so cool. I called hubby to the room and he watched it too for a while. It looked like the bottom side of a trampoline when someone's jumping on it. Our ultrasound is going to be this Wednesday and I so cannot wait to get a peek inside my belly again. It's a morning appointment this time so I won't have to wait for hours and hours after I get off work. Oh but anyway about the fun part... while hubby and I were watching the belly, I got so tickled at something that he said or did. I can't even remember what it was now, I just remember the aftermath... when I was laughing so much, my belly button turned into a tiny little mound. :P It was funny. Hubby thought it was so cute but I couldn't stop laughing, and my sticking-out belly button because of the laughing was embarassing, so I kept trying to cover it up but hubby kept looking at it, which would make me laugh even more, and the cycle continued. :P

The organization project is going fine. I managed to completely go through both dressers last Saturday, and I was off today again too. I intended to do a bunch MORE organization but haven't quite gotten to it yet. I had some laundry and dishes to do. I do have two boxes from the second bedroom's closet that I can go through tonight though.

I haven't sewn anything since my last entry, but the fabric for the nursery has arrived. :D I washed that today and will probably start sewing on that next week sometime. I think I will tackle the curtains first since they just have measurements to go by instead of an exact pattern. The sheer fabric is going to be "interesting" to work with since it is very spider-webby textured, and isn't really woven or knitted but is instead loosely "matted" together sortof like felt. After I get the curtains done, the rest of it should come together piece of cake. But before I start on that, tonight I plan on doing some mending that has been sitting around for a while. Hubby has a few shirts that lost their buttons, and I have several pairs of pants that I need to hem. I hope to get all that done today, possibly sew a new garment tomorrow (but will at least get it cut out), and then do the curtains, then another maternity garment, then some more bedding, etc. I hope to have the nursery DONE by the end of September when my parents get here. It's a good goal. For the end of August, I've set the mini-goal of 4 maternity garments... and if I intersperse those with nursery bedding items, then I should be able to reach the September goal.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

being overcome with excess emotion

The extra pregnancy emotions have started to settle in. :) Thankfully, they are not all crying sessions, lol. Sometimes I just feel extra happy, too, so happy that all I can do is laugh out loud for real.

But anyway, on the boo-hoo's... Hubby and I are watching a reality show about chefs, one of the type where each week there is an elimination. This week they were down to the final five. We watched this show last season too and when they got to the final five, after each was eliminated, they would show a mini-montage of all the fun times and positive moments that that particular person had. Last season when I watched the montages I would think "oh, that's so nice of them to do that so we remember their good times and not what they just got eliminated for" etc. But with this past show and seeing the first montage, I just kept wanting to cry. :P

And then at Toys'R'Us this weekend, when hubby and I were setting up our registry, there was the option to have a message print off on the registry sheets when people come to shop for us. I suggested to hubby to put "Thanks for thinking of us during our special time"... but I was only able to say aloud "Thanks for thinking of us". If I finished the phrase out loud, I just knew that I would start crying. My voice even cracked a tiny bit at "us". :P

As for the laughter, that comes from baby kicks. I've been feeling the baby move pretty consistently day to day, but usually he/she kicks me in random spots in my intestines, instead of right up on the surface where I could feel the kicks from the outside. Well, when I got home from work this afternoon, I layed down in bed for a bit and was able to feel several BIG kicks from both the inside and outside. Each kick would bring me such intense joy that my body would just involuntarily laugh. I couldn't NOT laugh if I tried. I really really love those kicks and don't think I could ever get tired of them. These kicks were big enough that if I could see my stomach (I couldn't from the angle I was at), I'm sure I would be SEEing them as well. If I laugh just at feeling strong kicks, I wonder how I'll feel in a few more months when I SEE the baby move.

Saturday, July 15, 2006

we have movement

I'm 19 weeks today, and I think I'm finally feeling the baby move. Yay! :) Yesterday at lunch, I felt three distinct little taps about 10 seconds apart. These taps didn't feel at all like gas or anything so I was pretty sure it was the baby. Then I felt one more tap a bit later in the afternoon. Today, I felt some more movements, and they were still so tiny, but this time they were a few actual pushes, one right after the other. It was SO cool, but at the same time a little strange. My body is doing such an amazing thing by providing a place for the baby to grow, but the baby is doing these movements on its own. There really is an entirely separate human being inside me right now. That fact is SO hard to wrap my brain around, but the increasing movements over the next few weeks will definitely help it sink in.

Like earlier when I was sick all the time, "yeah I'm naseous because I'm pregnant." Or after that when I would get so sleepy early in the evenings "I need a little more rest because I'm pregnant." Or when I was just STARVING by 8:30 am "I am hungry and need to eat more frequently because I'm pregnant." I would think these things to try and help the pregnancy sink in, but they were just words and even though I KNEW that I was/am pregnant, words and mild symptoms alone cannot make me really FEEL pregnant. But the growing belly over the past few weeks and now these tiny, wonderful movements are definitely making me "feel" pregnant. I am looking forward to both the belly and the movements increasing over the next several months.

I can't believe that my childbirth classes are in less than 2 months! I haven't even seriously looked at baby furniture or any of the other "stuff" that I'll need right off the bat. I really need to get on the stick about that so that I am not scrambling at the last minute.

Wednesday, July 5, 2006

working at home is coming back

I haven't written much lately about my work at home venture. Over the past several months I've sortof tapered off with it. I'll take the odd call here and there just to keep myself "active", but the main focus of that company was burning me out.

Then, they introduced directory assistance. That was awesome! I loved it and was looking forward to supplementing my "day job" income BIG time with that. But, it went away almost as quickly as it came. The way that the higher ups worded their e-mails about it, I didn't think it was ever going to come back. So I went back to doing very few calls here and there, then about a month ago, they said "guess what, directory assistance is coming back, launching the day after memorial day." Yay! I was excited. But, that day came and went with no re-launch. And even today, it STILL has not been re-launched. The last message on it said that it would come back within the next two weeks. Well, that would put me right at my 60 days (I have to take a call every 60 days to stay active), so that weekend I went ahead and logged in and grabbed a couple of calls.

In the meantime, I e-mailed my "supervisor" and asked her about getting on with one of the other projects that this company is doing. This other "line" of calls is taking orders for a national restaurant for delivery. It is something that I felt I could do so I e-mailed my supervisor and asked her how to get into that pool and be able to take those calls. She wrote back and said that she put me on the "list" of interested agents. I wondered to myself how long the list was and when I would hear back from someone, but didn't worry too much about it.

Then 2 days ago, I woke up to find an e-mail waiting for me that says I've been selected to start training for that line! I was given a link to the training modules and told that when I complete modules 1 and 2, I'll be given instructions on how to download and log into the ordering application. So I cranked out the first two modules and passed the quizzes on Monday, and Tuesday morning I downloaded the application and finished my training. Tuesday afternoon I got one final e-mail saying that I have been moved out of training mode and into production mode (meaning I would be sending out REAL LIVE orders... scary! lol). I worked one half-hour shift last night to get my feet wet, and it was actually kindof fun. :) I really like the interface in the ordering software, and the callers are generally friendly. And the best thing about it is that this particular line's busiest time is a time when I'm consistently off from my day job, so once I get into the swing of things I should be able to do a shift or two every day, and then a little more on the weekends.

And, like I said way earlier when I first mentioned this work at home venture, it is something that I can do after the baby comes, too, to help bring in a little income. We _can_ live off of hubby's income alone, but it's nice to have a little extra padding for emergencies. :)

Saturday, July 1, 2006

slowly making progress in organizing things

Very very slowly, I am making progress in getting organized. I have my thoughts of what I need to do... I just need to DO it. It helps that I have today off (except for a shower that I'm going to this afternoon) and Tuesday off, and next Saturday off. I've been writing in this blog for so long and it's been so easy that I've neglected my paper journal. The last entry in that was from August of 2005. I am going to catch that up first b/c it is something I've written in off and on since I was 15 and eventually I may want my children and grandchildren to read it. So I printed off this blog from July of '05 thru now to help me remember significant events. :P

Hubby and I did decide to go ahead and get a doppler and now we listen to the baby almost every day. I can now distinguish between just the pulse and the actual heartbeat, and last night I even managed to get the "galloping horse" sound that several of the baby websites talk about. We've called both sets of parents on the phone and let them listen too. They loved it. :)

But anyway getting back to the organization thing. After I get my journal caught up, I'm going to get back into sewing with a vengeance, and I'm also going to clean out our dresser drawers. Hubby and I wear clothes that are all from our closet, except for our socks and underwear, so there are clothes in those drawers that we haven't even seen since we've moved here. Cleaning several of those drawers out will open up a lot of storage room... which we need with a baby coming. After I get caught up w/ that and the sewing I want to start organizing and rearranging the room that will be the nursery. It is a HUGE room so we can put some "stuff" (like my huge pile of craft/sewing supplies) in one side of the room and have the other side for baby things. But there is a huge collection of CD's that are mispackaged or lost or something, and those all need to be gone through, for example.

Not a whole lot else going on. Hubby wants to go watch fireworks today (our town is doing them early since it's a very big event here) but I don't want to fight a crowd of 50K to 100K people. We'll probably end up just staying in and watching another NetFlix movie.

Friday, June 23, 2006

i need baby-listening instructions for dummies

So my mother in law bought us a few baby-related gifts a while back... a little stuffed animal that plays a lullaby when you pull its tail, a bottle of stretch mark cream, and a prenatal listener. It's not a doppler... it's basically an electronic stethoscope, so it just amplifies internal sounds. When I first got it, I was still way in my first trimester and the instructions say that you can hear the baby's heartbeat in the third trimester, and other sounds (kicks, hiccups, etc) in the second trimester. I decided to go ahead and assemble it and try it out that same day, knowing that I wouldn't really hear anything.

So I grab a battery and set it up and put it on my abdomen, press the button, and hear.... nothing. i adjust the volume and move the unit and hear.... nothing. I try putting the unit over MY heart and still hear nothing. I was very perplexed by now because I can hear hubby's heartbeat even without a stethoscope and didn't know why the unit wouldn't pick up my heartbeat.

Fast forward several weeks to a few days ago. I see the unit standing there and decide to give it another go. As I pick it up, I notice something... and then it's painfully obvious why I wasn't able to hear anything. The battery was in fine, the unit turned on fine... but I had only pushed the headphone jack in about halfway. I was so embarrassed.

But the story gets even better. I fix the headphone "user error" situation and turn the unit on to a medium volume. I place it over MY heart just to make sure it works OK, and nearly make myself deaf! I had NO idea that it would amplify sounds THAT much. My heartbeat was SO LOUD. Boom-BOOM, Boom-BOOM. I quickly released the button and turned the volume down lower. :P Then I placed it on my lower abdomen and heard "stuff", and some of that stuff could possibly have been kicks, but more than likely it was all intestinal noises, because I heard the same sort of sounds when I put the unit on my upper abdomen. :P I'll try again in a few weeks to hear kicks and hiccups, and then later than that I'll try for the heartbeat. :)

Monday, June 12, 2006

got my first belly rub today

I got my first belly rub today. :) It was from one of my female coworkers after an after-hours meeting we had. She came up to me and I thought she was going to say something, but instead it was just rub rub rub. It was over so quick but was cute, especially since my "belly" is so NOT a baby belly yet. :P I mean even yesterday, I wore a non-maternity dress, and the particular dress I wore made me look like I wasn't even pregnant at all. My morning sickness is pretty much gone. Today I woke up to potty about an hour or so before my alarm went off, and drank a glass of milk (on an empty stomach) and went back to bed. Still felt fine all throughout getting ready and the rest of the morning. My next appointment is in two days. I wonder if I'll get to hear the heartbeat again. I also wonder if my appointment after this one (when I'll be 18 weeks) will also be my ultrasound appointment. I'm still not able to feel my uterus so I feel now like I did at the very beginning of this pregnancy... like I'm faking it. :P I even still take my waking temperature every now and then, and just a few days ago I took another home pregnancy test. I believe it, I really do... but at the same time it's so unbelievable.

Sunday, June 4, 2006

showing, but with a fake belly

I turned 13 weeks yesterday. I've only gained about 5-6 lbs or so (most of it in my bosom). I have been taking pictures weekly except for weeks 9 and 10, and although there is little change week to week, there is a very noticable change from my first picture to my 13 week picture. I'm definitely starting to show a little bit.

But, I just feel like it's not really "baby" belly yet. I already had a little belly before I got pregnant, and I think that my "showing" now is just a little expansion of the belly that was already there. It's enough to make my pants a little tight but they are still wear-able. And if I pull my tops tight then you can definitely tell that it's there.

This is all while I'm sitting or standing, though. When I lie down on my back, everything disappears and my belly goes as flat as if I do hundreds of crunches each day. I call it my "incredible disappearing belly". :P And I really don't know where it goes, either. It doesn't feel like it goes up higher on my tummy... or over on the sides... or anything. It just completely disappears. :P My weekly pregnancy e-mail says that the baby is 3 inches now, but it is hiding VERY well in my abdomen. I still poke at my tummy to try and find my uterus and sometimes I think I feel it, but other times I wonder if it's just part of my abdominal muscles.

But, I have enough of a tummy to rub without looking _too_ silly, so that makes me happy. :)

Friday, May 26, 2006

work already knows that i won't be back afterwards

Well for a couple of weeks, every now and then, work has been asking me about my maternity leave and I've been trying to give vague answers so that they won't get the idea that I won't be coming back and decide to just go ahead and let me start my maternity leave before I'm even showing or feeling the baby move or anything.

But this morning, the guy I open with asked me a question DIRECTLY related to staying at home for good after the baby comes, and followed it up with "I know you're not coming back and so does [our boss]." It was said in a good-natured tone so I answered him and we talked about it a little more. I asked him if our boss was mad or anything that I wouldn't be coming back and he said no, so that is a big relief for me. Now I can just keep on going and not have to worry about when I'm going to tell them that I'm not coming back.

Speaking of work, YAY I have a long weekend now. :D I think this will be the first time in my entire working life where the office I work in is actually CLOSED on Memorial Day. And with the wedding earlier this month (which went fine, the dress turned out great and the bride was beautiful and the groom was nervous and everyone ended up happy at the end of the day), this weekend coming up is my first weekend in a long time where there's not a big "something" to do (either work or go out of town or something). So I plan to use it to catch up on some sewing. Especially since I'm finally feeling better. i have piles and piles of fabric just screaming at me to be made into fabulous garments. And hubby will be working on most of the days so I'll have to find SOMEthing to keep myself busy. Sewing will fit that bill nicely.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

starting to sink in more after hearing the heartbeat


Is there really any other word besides that to describe the feeling you have when you hear your own unborn baby's heartbeat for the first time?

No, I don't think there is, so I'll say it again.

Wow. :)

Ok now that I've gotten that out of my system, here is the long story. :) Our long-awaited second prenatal appointment finally happened yesterday. We get to the place and I miss the turn *again* and have to double back. I told hubby that when we get to our weekly appointments then I will remember where to turn. We go inside and check in and the receptionist sends me to the lab to give my regular specimen. Hubby wanted to come with me but I made him wait out in the lobby. When I got back he was pretending to be asleep. Poor thing is entering his busy season and was so tired. He tried to scare me when he "woke up" but I didn't go for it. :P

We get called back pretty quickly and the medical assistant takes my weight and blood pressure (I've gained 5 lbs according to the scale but think I'm just having a "fat week" because for these last 4 weeks I was at the exact same weight except for 3 days ago.). BP was 118/71 or so. The doctor came in pretty quickly and went over my normal-to-the-point-of-boring lab results and asked if I had any questions and briefly mentioned the optional quad-screen test that would be coming up probably the appointment after next.

We had gotten to see our baby's heartbeat on the ultrasound 3 weeks ago, and I was expecting to eventually also hear it via doppler. I had read things online that said it is easiest to hear the heartbeat after 12 weeks so I wasn't even expecting her to try and listen to it today, but she did. :) There was a doppler and gel and everything right there in the room ready. Before she got started she said that if she couldn't hear it that we could go over to the ultrasound and take a peek. :) She put the want on my belly and kept finding my pulse at first and saying "That's you..... that's you again..... that's still you......" then there was a bit longer pause and she found the baby's quieter, faster heartbeat. :D It was so amazing. I am so in love with this tiny child already.

On the way home, hubby kept saying, "You have something alive growing inside you." lol. Later that evening I said to him that maybe I am pregnant after all, but I want to take one more home pregnancy test to make sure. He of course knew I was joking though. My coworkers were teasing me though saying that it might not be the baby's heartbeat, it might be my stomach growling. lol. I told them that my stomach had never growled so rhythmically before. :P

27 more days until my next appointment and hopefully my morning sickness will be gone by then. It's not too bad but just bad enough to make me want it to hurry up and be over. And at least it's very mild, I have that to be thankful for. Anyway that is about all for now. I'll try to update this thing more regularly. :P

Thursday, May 11, 2006

tired all the time but the chores don't go away

These past couple of weeks I have been SO sleepy. I am trying to take little naps in the afternoon b/c hubby doesn't get home until around 7:45 usually, but then I have to go to bed around 9:00 or 9:15 to get up way early for my work. Very much looking forward to the day that I don't have to work outside the home anymore. :) And that day may come sooner than expected. Our debts are going to be entirely paid off by the end of October. Hubby's work is going very well and it's possible that we may get the chance to move sometime before the end of the year. I don't know how we'll handle that with a baby on the way but we'll have to see. Depending on where we end up, we may be able to afford me quitting my job earlier.

But there's not even really anything on the plate or anything at this point. I'm just going to sit it out through the summer and then see where we are. When we first moved here, the then district manager told us that we'd be here for at least two years, and those two years won't be up until next May.

I got another box of maternity clothes in the mail yesterday. :D I'm so excited. This one has a whole bunch of dresses and a very cute jumper and several long-sleeve tops and even a maternity coat! Now I don't feel so much pressure to sew right away... which is a good thing because that is one of the "chores" that I don't have the energy for.

I'm slowly getting to the mindset that in December we really will be having a baby. I'm still not really having any symptoms and don't have any weight gain or "showing" yet, but I've seen a sonogram pic of a woman who is just a couple of weeks ahead of me. My sonogram was just a dot, but hers has a head and arms and everything. I think that when we have our next ultrasound it will be ultra-real to us. My next appointment is next week and I'm looking forward to it.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

this whole thing still does not feel real

This whole thing still does not feel real to me. I try to picture in my head that in December I will no longer be working outside the home, and I will have a tiny little being dependent on me. The other night at church a new first-time dad of a 3 month old daughter told me that this pregnancy will just fly by... and it scared me! I'm not ready yet. We don't have a crib or a name or anything. I'm still sewing maternity clothes and need some time to finish THOSE up. lol. Even after going to the doctor last week it still feels like all of a sudden one day I may wake up and find that I've dreamed this whole thing after all.

I'm still not having any "big" symptoms. I have had a few tiny bouts of vomiting, and I have little mini-waves of nausea that come every so often, and hubby says my bosom looks larger (I can't tell a difference myself yet though), but all these things are so small. I keep telling people that I want to hurry up and have a little belly so I can feel more pregnant. I want to feel the child kick and poke at me. I want to see my stomach contort into all kinds of weird shapes as the youngling inside me moves around to get comfy (but not TOO comfy... little one, I want you OUT when it's time... lol).

But for now I have to wait. For now it is still fun to walk around the grocery store and see a mama with a belly much more advanced than mine and smile a little secret smile to myself. For now it is comforting to rub my "belly" even though what I'm really probably rubbing is intestines instead of a baby. :) For now I will try to be patient and wait and dream and plan.

Thursday, April 6, 2006

feeling unprepared and insecure

I'm still pregnant. I did take a bunch more tests on Sunday and Monday, managed to keep my willpower and skip Tuesday, then took another test on Wednesday. I will probably take one more on Saturday too (and the other digital since when I took the first digital I forgot to take a scrapbook picture of it, lol) and then taper off to twice a week until I start getting symptoms. I still don't have any. I am a little tired today but I don't know if it's the baby or if it's because the weekend lack of sleep is finally catching up with me.

But anyway, on to the topic. For close to 10 years now I have been reading and learning and talking and studying about pregnancy, childbirth, and motherhood. I have yearned for the day to finally get here when I would be expecting a baby. But even though I spent ALL that time preparing, I feel so UNprepared now for some reason. I still have pretty much my whole pregnancy to go through but I just feel like it's going to FLY by and we will birth this baby with nothing for it (no crib, clothes, etc). lol. It's kindof weird... because in the past I would read a pregnancy book or whatever and be thinking to myself "that is so cool how a baby develops" or "I can't wait until I'm pregnant so I can start getting a big tummy" etc. But now I read those same books and it's very hard to shift thoughts to "wow that is happening inside ME right now" and "in just a few weeks THIS will be happening" etc.

And, I'm SO nervous about being a stay at home mom. It will be wonderful for us, but I've been working for 12 years. It is going to be a huge adjustment. I know that I will love it but I'm still in the nervous stage right now. Everything will work out though. I do have confidence in that at least. And I am very thankful to God for this blessing He has given us.

Sunday, April 2, 2006

despite all odds, we are having a baby!

I did finish the bridesmaid's dress. Well I finished the machine portion of it. I still have to hand-sew the hem, lining, and hook/eye. But that is no big deal... I just have to DO it. And I also finished the curtains and had a GREAT night's sleep the first night they were installed. :) Unfortunately, they will not work for Lunaception though at this time.

Despite all odds and a really bad-looking chart this time, I did end up pregnant. I started wearing a pad on Wednesday in anticipation of my period coming any day the last half of this week. When it got to be Friday night and Saturday morning and my period hadn't arrived yet, I was confused but was enjoying my nice long luteal phase (after having a few 8 and 9 day luteal phases before this cycle). The in-laws were in town and Saturday afternoon I was able to sneak a quick test just before lunch. I went back after eating (probably about 9-11 minutes later) just to confirm that it "developed" into a negative test so I could keep on waiting for my period. I picked it up and was VERY shocked and surprised to see a second line. Then I put it down. I said "no way." I picked it up again and looked at it in disbelief. I smiled to myself and started to get a tiny bit excited. I put it down and went back into the living room w/ the in-laws and kept a secret.

I wasn't for sure if the second line was a "real" line or just an evaporation line though. It was pink, but it was likely read after the time limit. I waited 4 hours and tested again. I also tested with water just so I could see what a real negative would look like. Then I tested again 4 hours after that and 4 hours after that. (Gotta love insomnia lol... the last test was at about 2:00 am). All tests except the water one are positive. i'm still in a bit of surprise because I have been having NO symptoms at all. No nausea, no sore boobs, no hunger, no fatigue, etc. The only thing possibly different is that the past two mornings I've woken up a little warmer than usual. And of course the period that never showed up.

Hubby is SO excited. He keeps telling me, "You're going to be a mommy" or "I'm going to be a daddy" and wondering when we should tell people. I still want to live in the newness of this all before we start telling the world though.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

trying lunaception next time

I think I finally ovulated this past Saturday. But, unless hubby's sperm are going to live 3 days (one of which was internally dry), our chances of conceiving this cycle are nil. And I'm really OK with that. It's kind of weird how in the past I notice that I get all despairing about my cycles thinking I'm NEVER going to ovulate and lamenting about that... then a few days later I get my temp shift.

Anyway. I am excited about moving on to the next cycle because I'm going to try Lunaception. Our bedroom is fairly bright at night, and in the past before artificial lights came into being, women's cycles would line up with the moon... they would ovulate at the full moon and menstruate at the new moon. I've been off the pill for well over 7 months now, and the package insert said that if I missed 2 or 3 pills (depending on when in my cycle I missed them) that I could get pregnant. Since it was necessary to take them every day to keep the hormone levels up, I have no doubt that after 210 days the artificial hormones aren't in my body anymore. And since I have apparently ovulated (albeit late most times) with every cycle, I know that my body knows what to do... but I wonder if the light in our bedroom is confusing my body and basically telling it that it's a full moon all the time. I'm making some nice dark curtains and hopefully will have them installed by next Thursday.

In other news, no credit card at this time for hubby. And the bridesmaid's dress is still being worked on. I hope to possibly finish it today.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

keeping negative feelings at bay

Well it is now day 20 of my cycle and I am still waiting to ovulate. I was hoping that I would ovulate at least by Friday so that we would have a chance of getting pregnant, a chance of being far enough along to find out on the 31st, and a chance of being able to tell his parents (they live out of town) in person that we were expecting. But it doesn't look like this is going to happen. I'm ok with it, though, because I'll be seeing them in person at the beginning of May so if (all my if's are in a big, bold, loud font) I get pregnant before then, then I can still tell them in person. I'm in a wedding in early May so I would need to wait until after the wedding to not take away from the bride's big day.

I am still trying very hard to keep a positive outlook on this. I know there are lots of women out there who got pregnant with a very late ovulation but I don't think it will be me. What's really sad is how I am almost counting this cycle out when I haven't even ovulated yet. Someone out there help me keep hoping. I do get a little sadder as each cycle goes by, but I'm just hoping that the happy/sad ratio will stay more towards the happy side.

And really, now that this trying to conceive has been going on for a few months now, I am ok with not being pregnant already. I mean, if we got PG on our first try, then I would have been around 15 weeks pregnant now. Maybe not enough to be showing, but the time would be coming JUST around the corner... and I am a big procrastinator and I don't have NEAR the supply of maternity clothes built up that I want to. In fact, some more fabric is coming tomorrow and I have plans for a lot of "professional" outfits for it. A LOT of outfits, lol. (2 dresses, 2 skirts, and 8 tops). They will be fun to crank out since they don't have any zippers. And this is besides all the fabric that I already had, including 7 yards of khaki material for miscellaneous pants and a skirt. So since I'm not pregnant then I will have time to do some more sewing. I just need to not be on the computer so much. :P

And I'll get to work at my job for another few months. This year in Missouri I've had 3 different jobs already (since May). I won't feel like such a job hopper if I make it to a year with this one. And if I'm not pregnant this cycle then I won't have to worry about waiting to tell after my 90 day evaluation in 6 weeks. The next cycle will have me possibly just ovulating at that time or just finding out.

But getting back to staying off the computer. I need to do more things outside of the online world. Especially since most of what I come on to the computer for is pregnancy, childbirth, TTCing, and other related topics. LOL. Last cycle I didn't chart or check my CM at all and it was both my earliest ovulation AND my longest luteal phase. If this cycle would hurry up and put me out of my misery then I will probably do that for next cycle too. I did have 2 days last cycle (conveniently right around the time of my temp rise) where I had enough CM to notice it w/o actively checking for it. I found it very liberating and relaxing to chart only temps. Especially since a lot of the times my CM isn't really classifiable into a nice chartable category.

But anyway enough about that. It's time for me to go grocery shopping and get a book from the library that I've put on reserve. :) Oh before I go, not being pg now will also give me and hubby more time to save a little cushion to start us off on our staying at home, or paying for a midwife, or whatever. And it will also give us a little more time to help build up his credit. He has almost no credit at all so we are going to try to get him a credit card, and just use it very little, keeping a tiny tiny balance on it month to month to build up his history in the positive. I'm excited about that.

Saturday, March 11, 2006

seven months off the pill already

On another message board that I'm on, I have a counting ticker that says how many days/months/etc it has been since a certain event. I chose the "event" of the day I took my last birth control pill and started charting. The other day my ticker rolled over to 7 months. I can hardly believe it's been that long. In my chart for this cycle and for all the rest until hubby and I are expecting, I am delaying updating the online version by a week. It's only fair to hubby so that he can be the first to know if I'm pregnant or not, even before all my online friends. :) It feels weird though to talk on the cycle message boards about my cycle... since I talk about things that happened a week ago, and I try VERY hard not to give clues about what is or is not happening currently.

Work is still going fine. We had a busy day today but it was all compressed into the last 2 hours. The bank lobby opened at 9 and I looked at the clock and felt like it should be 11, but it was only 10. I was so sad. But the day picked up and ended up going faster towards the end. We had a customer try to come by 10 minutes after the drive thru was closed, and they even waited at the window (that had blinds pulled down over it) for a minute or so before going on.

I get to be in a wedding in May. :D I am going to be this girl's only bridesmaid so she said that I could wear whatever I want. I love to sew so i am going to make a dress. I got the fabric yesterday. It's not _too_ shiny but it's not dull either. I think it's going to make a fabulous dress. I'm going to make the dress up (not sewing the zipper... just pinning that into the opening) in regular fabric first though to see how it fits and if I need to make any adjustments when I'm cutting it out. Also if I get pg this cycle then I will be a tiny bit along at the wedding, and may or may not be showing, but I am going to make it with a little extra room just in case. It is a dress with an empire waist anyway so it'll be very easy to have some room in the tummy area. I am looking forward to the wedding overall, though. It will be the first wedding that I've been in, besides my own. :)

Monday, February 20, 2006

october vacation scheduled already

So it turns out that I get a pro-rated amount of vacation in 2006. And I have to take a whole week of it at once, and then the other days can be taken piecemeal whenever. We are still on track to paying off our car and all debt in October, so I requested a week towards the end of October so that we could take a road trip to finally close out those bank accounts. (That particular credit union required me to keep an open account while my loan was active). And the road trip is going to be about 12 hours. We will probably try to stop along the way.

Our TTC journey therefore has been put on hold this month since it's probably not a good idea to be travelling while I'm 38 weeks pregnant. Then if we get pregnant next cycle I'll only be around 34 weeks or so hopefully. We only baby danced once, and it turned out to be right on ovulation day, but it was protected. But if you look at my chart, those high temps are the highest temps I've EVER had. And I'm not sick so I can't attribute it to fever. And my sleep schedule wasn't drastically different. And I don't drink alcohol so that wouldn't have made high temps either. The last time I had temps even close to that high it was just a single event around 3 days past ovulation (DPO). Now, with these high temps coming a week after ovulation, it is almost indicative of a tri-phasic chart, which sometimes indicates pregnancy.

The only thing that worried me most about being pregnant RIGHTNOW is the road trip to close those bank accounts. Until this morning when I crunched some numbers, I was pretty sure that October would be the payoff month for that car loan. But I looked at the debt payoff plan thing again and moved some payments around, and I can pay off the car as early as June. The rest of our credit cards wouldn't be paid off until probably January, but our budget indicates that we can make those last couple months' of payments just fine on hubby's income alone.

Having said all that, though, I'm still 99.9% sure that I am NOT pregnant this cycle. OOOOO I just had a very cute thought for how to tell hubby we're expecting if it happens next cycle. But I'm keeping my lips zipped about that for now. :)

Thursday, February 2, 2006

lovin my banking job

I can't believe it's February already. Time is sure flying. I started my new bank job on Friday and love love love it. For several days I've felt "barely useful" b/c I didn't have my own computer login info, or my own cash drawer or anything. I would run the occasional transaction on someone else's number with them watching but I was new and slow-ish and just wanted to hurry up and be trained so that I could feel like I was actually working instead of just being in the way.

For those curious about "How Not To Rob A Bank" I have to tell the background story first. Yesterday in the drive through was a person who wanted to cash two checks that were written on a couple of our accounts. And we do that, but for non-customers they have to come into the lobby to do it. Well, this guy was NOT coming into the lobby and we WOULD cash those checks for him and he wasn't leaving until we would do that. Our manager came over and told the customer that he needed to come into the lobby also, so then the guy wanted to speak to our manager's boss. So our manager gave the guy the phone number and he sits in the drive through and calls him and of course gets all mad when he gets voice mail and again said that he wouldn't leave until he got those checks cashed. Well finally our manager had to tell him that he would call the police if he didn't leave. So the guy left... but veeeerrry slowly. He stopped around the corner in our parking lot for several minutes before going on his way. (He did end up calling and making a complaint saying that we treated him unprofessionally... but whatever). Anyway, getting to the how NOT to rob a bank part... the district manager came in a bit later to follow up w/ the situation, and while there he told us of this one time where a guy tried to rob a bank. Except this particular guy tried to rob the drive-thru. With a knife. The poor criminal of course did not get any money that way. :P

Today I finally got all my "stuff" so I could process my own transactions. The teller supervisor wanted me to start my own transactions yesterday but I didn't have any computer access until very late in the day (even though I did have all my keys). So it was a no go for that. And today I didn't really do any transactions either b/c of the late hour in the day when I got the money assigned to me. I basically verified that what was there was supposed to be there (with someone watching me the whole time) and then did my "final balance of the day" and signed off, then spent my last few minutes organizing it a little better. The manager asked me if I was nervous and I said no, but it is a teeny bit nerve-wracking. I just hope I remember vital bits of info when I start doing my very own transactions and don't mess something up.

Oh and one more funny thing that happened today... we had a customer in the drive thru, and if I or one of the other tellers has personally waited on them before, then we don't have to get their ID for cash back or cashing a check or something. Well this particular customer apparently had been to this branch a lot but it was back when other people were working. He got mad when we asked for his ID and said that "we need to keep the same people there all the time" b/c it's bad customer service to ask for an ID each time. As if we had ANY control over the hiring of people or people leaving or getting fired or anything. Once the customer made his point though he wasn't going to let it go until we agreed with him... he kept pressing us and asking "Don't you agree that it's bad customer service?" :P (insert rolling eyes icon here) I wonder what fun surprises will be in store for me tomorrow.

But seriously though, the best thing about this job is that I really feel like I can do it for a very long time. With the other two jobs I worked here in Missouri and even a few jobs before that, I was just counting the months and years to the time that we would be able to start trying for a baby and/or be pregnant, so that I could have a "countdown" to what my last day at work would be. But with this job, it's different. I no longer feel the need to hurry up and get pregnant so I can hurry up and have my last day. And the hours are great, the pay is decent, and it's very close to home. And, if I do get pregnant while there, then I will be able to wear my big stash of maternity clothes that I'm still trying to get motivated to sew up. :P But that may be in the near future OR the far future and it doesn't matter a whole lot right now. I am content to go one day at a time now.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

hubby is flying

Some of you may have heard of Flylady. For those of you who haven't, she is a get-organized, get-rid-of-chaos guru. Hubby and I were talking the other day and I mentioned her and how she has this "control journal" to divide up your life into routines to get everything done that you need to, and to keep your house clean with little effort. Like if you clean a little bit every day then you won't have to work as hard when it's time to do the deep cleaning. So anyway he goes and checks out her site, and HE has started a control journal for our family. He knows that we are a little cluttery right now and he wants to help stop clutter in its tracks. I am excited.

Something else I'm excited about is going to visit my family, which I will get to do before starting my new job. My last day at my old job will be Monday and I don't start my new job until Friday so I had a few brief days off, so hubby and I are going to make the looong drive out to my hometown for a few days and I can finally meet my second nephew, born this past summer. I can hardly wait.

But something I'm NOT so excited about is my cycle. It is still being long and annoying. I go through these awful phases during the cycle where I just KNOW that my body is broken and it will never be able to fix itself again and the pill has messed me up permanently. If hubby and I have daughters (well that is if we even get pregnant at all) then I'm giving them a copy of Taking Charge of Your Fertility on their 12th birthday so they can learn about their cycles and will never have to go on the pill. These long cycles wouldn't be so bad if I had long irregular cycles beforehand, but they were 29-31 days. Regular, for 7 whole years before I went on the pill. I had ONE weird cycle where I had a few days of diluted-looking bleeding in the middle of my cycle, but that was IT.

Have I said that hubby and I want a baby really really bad? If I haven't, well we do. I wish I were pregnant right now. And I REALLY hope that I at least can get pregnant before my younger sister has her second (and last) baby later this summer. I will just cry if she completes her family before mine is even started. Writing about this helps, even if I don't have very many readers. :P I don't know how it helps, but just having all my thoughts OUT there seems to give me a tiny smidgen of comfort and hope. And I need all the little smidgens of those two items that I can get right now.

Friday, January 13, 2006

new job, but not where i first expected

Well the organization that I talked about last time is still going slow. For the half-sewn dress, it's actually a 2-piece set w/ a blue sleeveless dress and then a sheer duster that goes over it. I had only started the duster (the dress pieces were cut out but nothing was sewn). I managed to finish the duster and sew about 2 lines in the dress before my bobbin ran out and I had to refill it. At least I was able to finish the seam I was on when it ran out. And organizing is also stalled out... on the days that I go in early I am too tired to do any little thing, and on the days that I go in late I usually sleep in, and on my last day off I spent a bunch of it playing games. LOL. And on my NEXT day off we have to take a 4.5 hour road trip, have a little appointment for my LASIK, then take a 4.5 hour road trip again.

But anyway on to the new job. The pharmacy tech position that I was trying to look into was giving me major runaround, so Tuesday I was all frustrated. Tuesday evening I applied online at a few banks and at a cell phone place. Wednesday when I got home from work there was a message waiting for me from one of the banks I applied at. I called him back and he wanted me to come in for an interview just anytime so I went in that afternoon. Either he liked me or was just being friendly, but I think I would fit in really well there. He had two more interviews yesterday for a total of 5, and there was one position open right now and possibly another position opening up in a couple of weeks. Oh and a funny story about the interview... afterwards he was giving me a very brief tour of the bank (break room and training rooms in the back and whatnot) and there was one door, and I thought he said that was the door to the ETM. I was like "What's an ETM"... turns out he said ATM instead of ETM. No wonder I was confused.

Yesterday I waited until 4:15 to call since I didn't know what time his other two interviews were or anything like that. So he starts off and says "I'm glad you called. I was going to call you b/c the situation has changed." I was getting a little worried here and figured that it was bad news since he would have called already probably if I got the job. He goes on to say that one of his personal bankers wanted to step down and be just a teller again (so I'm thinking ok... so there is no position now after all since I don't have the qualifications for a personal banker) and then he continues and says that there is still a full-time teller position open, but it's the 6:45-3:00 pm instead of the 8:45-5:15 and wanted to know if I was still interested. I told him that I was, and he asked me to come down and pick up the paperwork for the drug screen and fingerprinting and to consider myself hired. It was funny because he was so mild about the whole thing I had to sortof rewind in my head to make sure I heard what I thought I heard. So I went and got that paperwork and this morning I'm going to take care of those errands and should be able to start in a couple of weeks. But now I'm a little sad about leaving Waffle House. I'm going to miss the people a lot. But overall it is good that I am leaving. There are a bunch of regular customers who use foul language (I don't have a problem asking my coworkers to watch their mouths but for some reason can't do the same for customers) and the smoke so overall it will be a good move. I just hope my manager isn't TOO mad at me when I put in my notice.

Wednesday, January 4, 2006

new year to reorganize life and projects

Happy new year! Ok so I'm a few days late with that. Overall the holidays were fine. In-laws got us a Karaoke machine for Christmas, so on new year's night (not eve) we had a few couples over and had a little fun with that new "toy".

I still LOVE LOVE LOVE waitressing... but this is the VERY slow time of the year so I'm scheduled usually only about 4 days/week, and on the days I do work there isn't a whole lot of business going on so I don't take home the tips that I need to. So I'm keeping my eyes and ears open for a different opportunity. Right now I'm looking a LOT into pharmacy technician again and have applied and been talking to the store manager of one of the local branches of a pharmacy chain over here. I'm also looking into home health care, but since I have no experience at ALL in that, I'm more on the "companion" side of it than the nursing side. As a companion I would be doing light housework and perhaps running errands and just keeping them company. Plus if I get either one of those then I would be able to make use of my maternity clothes stash if I get pregnant. :P

Hubby got a playstation for Christmas and has been playing some of the free games on it. I bought Final Fantasy VIII and the strategy guide off of e-bay and they should be here early next week. Back in the day when I used to have a playstation, I had Final Fantasy VII and loved it, so I imagine that I will like VIII also. I just need to make sure that it doesn't consume my life like it did the other time. :P I would be looking forward to getting off work so I could go turn on the game again. LOL. But not this time... this time I have too much other stuff going on.

Like my website. It's still going slow and is sortof stalled out right now. When I started my website I had one half-finished garment so I've put the site on pause so I can finish sewing the dress first, then I will organize the bedrooms since there are piles of random things everywhere, and THEN I will make a few things to put on the website (photos of them and whatnot), and THEN I will make the website again. Unless I get pregnant this time. In that case, I will be trying to finish sewing a bunch of maternity clothes in a hurry FIRST and then do the rest of the projects. LOL :)