Wednesday, September 21, 2005

no motivation for exercising

I'm still not in the best of shape. Walking up one flight of stairs at slightly more than a normal pace will leave me a little out of breath. I do have a half-hour walking video that I do... sometimes. I just keep hitting the snooze alarm until it's too late and I have to go ahead and get ready for work. I need to do something like put up motivational post-it notes all over the house, saying things like "Just know how much healthier your future pregnancies will be if you start to get in shape now" and so on. And I know all that in my head. I just can't get my head to communicate with my body lately.

Diva cup had a little leaking last night, but I think that is because it wasn't positioned properly. And it was only a LITTLE leaking. I still love it. :)

As for work, I'm getting to the point more and more where I DON'T love it. We have a new district manager and she is implementing a ton of new policies with consequences of termination for not following some of them. All the managers in the district had a meeting about 2 weeks ago and there were new things to do right after that one. Now they just had another meeting yesterday and there are tons of additional new procedures from THAT one. I can't hardly keep it straight. Like one of them is staying until 8 for two nights a month. And not open for the customers to come pay late if they need to... but to do collections and whatnot during that time. If I thought I could find a different job that would pay the same I would leave. But this one is so close to both home and Tim's work, and overall it's not all that difficult, and it's not like I'm going to make a career out of it. I just wish I could go back into direct sales right away and we could go ahead and start trying to get pregnant. And also that the direct sales business would pick up so we could still pay off our credit cards on schedule. :P If I find the right business... maybe I can get into direct sales sometime early next year. But that is when we'll start trying for a baby anyway so I don't know. Only 6.5 more months until we start trying if we try in April. Still possible that we can try in February or March, but January is pretty much out. I just have to go one day at a time.

Monday, September 19, 2005

i forgot how bad they were

Cramps, that is. I have FINALLY finished my first post-pill cycle and now I'm cramping nicely. My periods were very heavy before I got on the pill and I expected them to go back to the way they were, just not quite this fast. I wanted to ease into it a little more. LOL. But these cramps, while I have them, are motivating to exercise. I am actually glad today that we are delaying TTC for another few months. Gives me more time to get into better shape before throwing a pregnancy and labor at my body.

Diva cup working fine so far. I can barely feel it at all. And even if I could feel it, the cramps are much MORE "feel-able". LOL

Thursday, September 15, 2005

delay of babies again

The good news is that I finally ovulated on cycle day 34, on Sunday. Everything seemed to line up. Now if I can just do it next month, and the month after that, and the month after that, etc.

But the bad news is that Tim and I were looking at the budget last night, and somehow when I calculated out the time when I could stay home and Tim's salary alone could support us, I missed something. I thought that he alone could support us if all the credit cards were paid off, but we still had the car payment for another couple of months. But that is just not so. :( We are still a little bit short. So we had to push back our TTC date to April. (Possibly March, but more than likely April). Most of the credit cards can be paid off by September, if I do the extra payments on the months that we get 3 checks. Then if I'm still working in the month following that, the car can pretty much be paid off the very next month. So it's still "possible" that we could start trying earlier in the year, but I won't know anything until RIGHT THEN since I have a few more months of payments this year to show me where we're really going to be at with regard to paying off the cards. Plus we have to save for a midwife fee, too.

Speaking of saving, I think that I've decided on the Whirlpool Calypso washer/dryer instead of the Duet. They are still "energy star" but are more in our price range. We should be able to get them in early November. We may have to order them and wait for delivery, but I'm excited. :)

Saturday, September 10, 2005

i'm going to be a diva

A couple of weeks ago, I ordered a Diva Cup. Then my cycle went all screwy so I forgot all about it until it came in the mail yesterday. I am excited. I went ahead and got the larger size since I'm pretty close to 30 already and since we are going to try to get pregnant early next year. I gave it a "dry run" last night and was able to put it in and take it out pretty easily. Now all I need is a period. LOL. Hopefully that will happen soon. I actually did have the teeniest bit of eggwhite cervical fluid today so maybe my cycle will be moving on soon.

But back to the Diva Cup. One of my coworkers might get one too. Here is the story:

Little background first - I have two girl coworkers. C is a bit wild. By her own admission, she started having sex her first year in high school, has never NOT had a boyfriend (until very recently), smokes a lot, etc. M on the other hand is more like me - very quiet, moral, reads her Bible every day, waiting for marriage before having sex, etc. So there's the background.

A couple of weeks ago when I first heard about the Diva Cup, I was telling C about it and how I was thinking of getting one. She looked at me kindof skeptically and said that I'd have to tell her how it works out for me. I didn't tell M about it.

Then today, all 3 of us are in the office today. M came in an hour later than C and I did, (hey.. M C I. get it? MCI. Ok n/m lol) so I told C, "Hey, remember that Diva Cup I was telling you about?" She did, so I told her I got one and I showed it to her. Her jaw about hit the floor. I showed her how you fold it in half and half again and how it "pops" open once it's inside and told her that you just empty it out every so often. Her jaw was still on the floor. LOL. She said later that I embarrassed her (not in a bad way) and that was a hard thing to do. I said that I was going to tell M about it too and she said I shouldn't b/c M would probably REALLY get embarrassed.

So a bit later, M and I are there alone and C is running errands. I ask her if "period stuff" is embarrasing for her to talk about and she says no, and I'm sure she is wondering why I asked, LOL. So I tell her, "Well, I was online, and on one of my message boards about fertility monitoring, the girls were talking about a cup that you wear inside to hold your flow" but I didnt' get much further. She interrupted me and said, "Yeah I know. I've used one." ROFL. Now it was my turn to be shocked. Turns out that she had used Instead, because she had started her cycle while away, and went with a friend to the store and the store they went to only sold Instead. No pads, no tampons. Once I figured out that she had used Instead, I brought out the Diva cup again (She thought the little drawstring bag was cute LOL) and showed her how it worked, told her it was reusable, made of silicon instead of latex, etc. She was VERY interested.

Then, still later, when all 3 of us were back in the office, C had an idea. Our former boss lives in Ohio now, and C and him had become fairly good friends (they have crushes on each other too but that's another story). C and him talk on the phone pretty regularly, and C also has just moved. She might pull an embarrasing trick on him - by calling him tonight and saying that since her computer isn't hooked up yet, could he go to and tell her how much it costs? ROFL I feel a little sorry for the guy.

Friday, September 9, 2005

normal cycles have not returned

Well, today is cycle day 32 of my first cycle off the pill, and I still have not ovulated or gotten my period yet. It makes me sad, but at this point I'm thinking this is a trial I have to go through to build my patience. It's very difficult. I look forward to going to bed each night because I wonder, will the next day be the morning I have a temperature rise? Then in the morning when I wake up and do NOT have a temp rise, I am sad and look forward to going to sleep at night again several hours later. Sometimes I even "zombie" through the day a little. I need to just not dwell on it so much and live my life instead, but it's very hard not to think about it.

On a message board I'm on, one of the users gave me a little comfort by saying that since my body was on hormonal BC for so long, I didn't "use" my own hormones. She compared it to not using your arm for an equivalent length of time, and how it would take a long time of physical therapy to get it back to normal. That helped a teeny bit.

When people tell me that it took them 6 months or 9 months or whatever for their cycles to return, I despair of being able to get pregnant when we CAN start trying (based on debt payoffs so I can be a stay at home mom).

Saturday, September 3, 2005

i love scrapbooking

I started my wedding scrapbook a week or so ago. It is going to be fabulous. :) I still had all the cards that we got for our wedding so I cut out all the verses and signatures and pictures from them, and will intersperse them throughout the album. I bought a pack of extra pages to go with it, and hopefully I won't need ALL the pages for the how we met/engagement/wedding/honeymoon stuff, so I can put pregnancy pictures in it too, if we are blessed with a baby.

But right now I don't know if that is going to happen. Tim wants a baby NOW still. We are waiting until January to start trying. I am on cycle day 26 now of my first post-pill cycle, and I still haven't ovulated. :( It is really starting to make me sad.

On a different but related note, some of the girls on a message board that I'm on use a diva cup for their period, and since I've been able to do internal checks on myself I figured I could go ahead and try one out. They all seem to love it. It should be here in a couple of weeks.

Work is going fine. We have a new district manager, a female one. She had a meeting with the district on Wednesday, and now our paperwork is doubling. It is going to be a little stressful for a while but should even out by the end of the month. It's just going to be hard to remember things and get in the habit of doing certain things daily that we didn't do at all before.