Tuesday, April 25, 2006

this whole thing still does not feel real

This whole thing still does not feel real to me. I try to picture in my head that in December I will no longer be working outside the home, and I will have a tiny little being dependent on me. The other night at church a new first-time dad of a 3 month old daughter told me that this pregnancy will just fly by... and it scared me! I'm not ready yet. We don't have a crib or a name or anything. I'm still sewing maternity clothes and need some time to finish THOSE up. lol. Even after going to the doctor last week it still feels like all of a sudden one day I may wake up and find that I've dreamed this whole thing after all.

I'm still not having any "big" symptoms. I have had a few tiny bouts of vomiting, and I have little mini-waves of nausea that come every so often, and hubby says my bosom looks larger (I can't tell a difference myself yet though), but all these things are so small. I keep telling people that I want to hurry up and have a little belly so I can feel more pregnant. I want to feel the child kick and poke at me. I want to see my stomach contort into all kinds of weird shapes as the youngling inside me moves around to get comfy (but not TOO comfy... little one, I want you OUT when it's time... lol).

But for now I have to wait. For now it is still fun to walk around the grocery store and see a mama with a belly much more advanced than mine and smile a little secret smile to myself. For now it is comforting to rub my "belly" even though what I'm really probably rubbing is intestines instead of a baby. :) For now I will try to be patient and wait and dream and plan.

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