hubby is flying

Some of you may have heard of Flylady. For those of you who haven't, she is a get-organized, get-rid-of-chaos guru. Hubby and I were talking the other day and I mentioned her and how she has this "control journal" to divide up your life into routines to get everything done that you need to, and to keep your house clean with little effort. Like if you clean a little bit every day then you won't have to work as hard when it's time to do the deep cleaning. So anyway he goes and checks out her site, and HE has started a control journal for our family. He knows that we are a little cluttery right now and he wants to help stop clutter in its tracks. I am excited.

Something else I'm excited about is going to visit my family, which I will get to do before starting my new job. My last day at my old job will be Monday and I don't start my new job until Friday so I had a few brief days off, so hubby and I are going to make the looong drive out to my hometown for a few days and I can finally meet my second nephew, born this past summer. I can hardly wait.

But something I'm NOT so excited about is my cycle. It is still being long and annoying. I go through these awful phases during the cycle where I just KNOW that my body is broken and it will never be able to fix itself again and the pill has messed me up permanently. If hubby and I have daughters (well that is if we even get pregnant at all) then I'm giving them a copy of Taking Charge of Your Fertility on their 12th birthday so they can learn about their cycles and will never have to go on the pill. These long cycles wouldn't be so bad if I had long irregular cycles beforehand, but they were 29-31 days. Regular, for 7 whole years before I went on the pill. I had ONE weird cycle where I had a few days of diluted-looking bleeding in the middle of my cycle, but that was IT.

Have I said that hubby and I want a baby really really bad? If I haven't, well we do. I wish I were pregnant right now. And I REALLY hope that I at least can get pregnant before my younger sister has her second (and last) baby later this summer. I will just cry if she completes her family before mine is even started. Writing about this helps, even if I don't have very many readers. :P I don't know how it helps, but just having all my thoughts OUT there seems to give me a tiny smidgen of comfort and hope. And I need all the little smidgens of those two items that I can get right now.

new job, but not where i first expected

Well the organization that I talked about last time is still going slow. For the half-sewn dress, it's actually a 2-piece set w/ a blue sleeveless dress and then a sheer duster that goes over it. I had only started the duster (the dress pieces were cut out but nothing was sewn). I managed to finish the duster and sew about 2 lines in the dress before my bobbin ran out and I had to refill it. At least I was able to finish the seam I was on when it ran out. And organizing is also stalled out... on the days that I go in early I am too tired to do any little thing, and on the days that I go in late I usually sleep in, and on my last day off I spent a bunch of it playing games. LOL. And on my NEXT day off we have to take a 4.5 hour road trip, have a little appointment for my LASIK, then take a 4.5 hour road trip again.

But anyway on to the new job. The pharmacy tech position that I was trying to look into was giving me major runaround, so Tuesday I was all frustrated. Tuesday evening I applied online at a few banks and at a cell phone place. Wednesday when I got home from work there was a message waiting for me from one of the banks I applied at. I called him back and he wanted me to come in for an interview just anytime so I went in that afternoon. Either he liked me or was just being friendly, but I think I would fit in really well there. He had two more interviews yesterday for a total of 5, and there was one position open right now and possibly another position opening up in a couple of weeks. Oh and a funny story about the interview... afterwards he was giving me a very brief tour of the bank (break room and training rooms in the back and whatnot) and there was one door, and I thought he said that was the door to the ETM. I was like "What's an ETM"... turns out he said ATM instead of ETM. No wonder I was confused.

Yesterday I waited until 4:15 to call since I didn't know what time his other two interviews were or anything like that. So he starts off and says "I'm glad you called. I was going to call you b/c the situation has changed." I was getting a little worried here and figured that it was bad news since he would have called already probably if I got the job. He goes on to say that one of his personal bankers wanted to step down and be just a teller again (so I'm thinking ok... so there is no position now after all since I don't have the qualifications for a personal banker) and then he continues and says that there is still a full-time teller position open, but it's the 6:45-3:00 pm instead of the 8:45-5:15 and wanted to know if I was still interested. I told him that I was, and he asked me to come down and pick up the paperwork for the drug screen and fingerprinting and to consider myself hired. It was funny because he was so mild about the whole thing I had to sortof rewind in my head to make sure I heard what I thought I heard. So I went and got that paperwork and this morning I'm going to take care of those errands and should be able to start in a couple of weeks. But now I'm a little sad about leaving Waffle House. I'm going to miss the people a lot. But overall it is good that I am leaving. There are a bunch of regular customers who use foul language (I don't have a problem asking my coworkers to watch their mouths but for some reason can't do the same for customers) and the smoke so overall it will be a good move. I just hope my manager isn't TOO mad at me when I put in my notice.

new year to reorganize life and projects

Happy new year! Ok so I'm a few days late with that. Overall the holidays were fine. In-laws got us a Karaoke machine for Christmas, so on new year's night (not eve) we had a few couples over and had a little fun with that new "toy".

I still LOVE LOVE LOVE waitressing... but this is the VERY slow time of the year so I'm scheduled usually only about 4 days/week, and on the days I do work there isn't a whole lot of business going on so I don't take home the tips that I need to. So I'm keeping my eyes and ears open for a different opportunity. Right now I'm looking a LOT into pharmacy technician again and have applied and been talking to the store manager of one of the local branches of a pharmacy chain over here. I'm also looking into home health care, but since I have no experience at ALL in that, I'm more on the "companion" side of it than the nursing side. As a companion I would be doing light housework and perhaps running errands and just keeping them company. Plus if I get either one of those then I would be able to make use of my maternity clothes stash if I get pregnant. :P

Hubby got a playstation for Christmas and has been playing some of the free games on it. I bought Final Fantasy VIII and the strategy guide off of e-bay and they should be here early next week. Back in the day when I used to have a playstation, I had Final Fantasy VII and loved it, so I imagine that I will like VIII also. I just need to make sure that it doesn't consume my life like it did the other time. :P I would be looking forward to getting off work so I could go turn on the game again. LOL. But not this time... this time I have too much other stuff going on.

Like my website. It's still going slow and is sortof stalled out right now. When I started my website I had one half-finished garment so I've put the site on pause so I can finish sewing the dress first, then I will organize the bedrooms since there are piles of random things everywhere, and THEN I will make a few things to put on the website (photos of them and whatnot), and THEN I will make the website again. Unless I get pregnant this time. In that case, I will be trying to finish sewing a bunch of maternity clothes in a hurry FIRST and then do the rest of the projects. LOL :)

still feeling a little blah

I'm feeling a little better today but still a little sad. I keep having these random fleeting thoughts that a baby might not ever grow inside of me. I try to push them away as soon as they get in, but it only takes a split second for me to almost get teary-eyed. Maybe it's because I'm in my period that I'm extra-sad right now. Or maybe I just need to let it all out and have myself a good snot-dripping, blurry-eyed, can't-catch-my-breath-at-the-end CRY, ya know? Not because I'm sad that our first attempt at a baby failed, but because sometimes you JUST NEED TO CRY. I can't remember the last time I've had a good cry like that. Probably while reading a book. LOL

I need to stop procrastinating, though. I have a TON of big and little projects that I'm working on and today is my last full day off for a while. One of the bigger projects (which includes a few little miniature projects) really should be done before we get pregnant. That project is my website, and the mini-projects are getting the wording right for each page, making some sample crafts to display on it, etc. As soon as I get off here and finish my tiny lunch then I will start up on that. Now if I can just find where I put my motivation... Oh yes, there it is... buried under my to-do list. :)

early frustrations with the conceiving process

Today I am on to a new cycle. Even though in this past cycle, hubby and I weren't "officially" trying for a baby yet (we originally planned to start next month), I can't help but feel a little sad that I'm not pregnant now. I am VERY early in this whole process, having only gone through one cycle, and if it was just that fact in a vaccuum then I would be OK. But I have a good friend at church who is expecting her second baby and they will be 11 months apart. My sister is expecting a baby and is due this summer. I wanted to be pregnant with her so we could share stories and weight gains and things like that. Mom tells me that this is going to be my sister's last baby, so that means that my YOUNGER sister's family will be complete before I even start mine. It makes me just want to sit and cry. Deep down I know it's a good thing that we're not pregnant right now because we would have had a bit of a hard time money-wise, but this extra month or two will help us out tremendously.

But I'm still sad. It is sortof hitting me that I might not be a mom in 2006 even. I know that statistically there is only a 15-20% chance of getting pregnant in any one cycle, but I really wanted to be part of that minority THIS time. I didn't want to have to try month after month after month. I even tested this morning, literally seconds before my period came. I ordered a few more tests online so I'd have them for next cycle, but I am not even going to THINK about looking at them this time until 13 days past ovulation. I am so bummed right now. Good thing I have a bunch of errands and things to do to keep my mind off of it a little.

is it january yet?

We had to take our cats to the vet yesterday, just for their routine annual shots. This was a new vet that they hadn't been to... and with the shots they had to do a "pre-vaccination" evaluation (basically a physical). Well I didn't know that they would be taking their temperature for that! Neither cat had had their temp taken before. Tuxedo allowed them to do it with very little complaining, but Rainy threw a FIT. Then after that she hid under the little chair for the rest of the time and would NOT be put back up on the table for ANYTHING. To give her the shots, we had her go into her carrier (which she did with no trouble) and then the vet and his technician just took the whole carrier to the back to give her the shots. They came back only moments later and said she did good and that they just gave her the shots through the carrier. And of course, once they were home and back in familiar surroundings, both cats were happy and purring like they hadn't been on a little road trip at all.

As for asking if it's January, I finally did ovulate around Sunday, so I'm now in my "official" first two week wait. Back on the 9th and for a couple of days after that, every time hubby and I were alone together I would ask him "What if I get pregnant???" and he would smile and say "Then we'll have a baby" pretty calmly. But I didn't want to obsess over the whole thing so after a few days I stopped talking about it so much. Hubby hasn't brought it up very much either. He gets to preach a little sermon on Sunday night the 1st, and I don't want to spring the knowlege of a pregnancy on him before then and make him too nervous for his speech, so I'm going to TRY to hold off testing until the 2nd. But I'm only 3 DPO (days past ovulation) right now, and the 2nd seems like a long way away... so we'll have to see how I feel late next week. :P I do already have a small stash of pregnancy tests ready and waiting in my bathroom cabinet... I bought them when I bought my basal thermometer to make my order total high enough to have free shipping. LOL.

I'm not really expecting to get pregnant right away with the first cycle trying since statistically there is only a 15-20% chance, but if two lines DO show up then it would be a very nice surprise. :)

new additions, new website, new life plan

Well, on Monday we got two new additions to our house that I am so happy about... a washer and dryer. LOL. After they were delivered and set up, I gave the washer a hug, and the dryer a hug, and then hubby a hug. I'm so glad I don't have to pack it all up and leave the house to do my laundry now. The cats did NOT like the new appliances at ALL, but they are getting used to them now.

I am going to have a new website soon! I hope to have it up around the first of the year. I'm trying to work on it a little each day and I do feel that I'm making progress on it, even though I don't have anything tangible to show for it. This web design thing is all new to me, not to mention DNS and domain name registration and all that. But I am gradually getting the hang of it.

Now as for our new life plan, hubby and I weren't going to try to have children until next month, but my cycles have been long and wacky, so on Saturday morning we sortof decided to go ahead and start trying right then. I thought I would ovulate that day based on my fertility signs, but that still hasn't happened yet. Day 34 today. Still waiting for my 2 week wait.

now remind me why i don't have cable again

With the in-laws visiting over the weekend, we "splurged" and rented a few movies from the local video place. One of them were two movies from Lifetime TV. One was called "Too Young to be a Father" and the other was "Mom at Sixteen". As you can probably tell from the titles, both movies dealt with the issues surrounding teenage parenthood. Both movies brought me to tears. If I'm this hormonal while wanting-a-baby-but-waiting, how much more will my moods be swinging when/if I actually DO get pregnant? I will probably cry at used car commercials. That would be funny. If I did that then hubby would laugh at me for sure. Hubby watched most of the second one with me and it made him almost cry and want a baby so bad too. I really do miss Lifetime TV but I don't miss the high cable bill each month.

On a good note, my left eye has been behaving today. Well only for a little bit. But at one point I closed my right eye but I could still see clearly all the way down the street. So hopefully the 17 Jan 2006 eye appointment will go Ok after all and they won't schedule me for an enhancement.

We finally ate up the rest of the leftover turkey today. Now I have to go shopping tomorrow. I should be getting the Christmas gifts tomorrow too so I can get those wrapped. I did get a lot of addresses written on Christmas cards today though.

Jobs are still going fine and I am also going to take the plunge and sign up for the Greeting Cake Company. I'm also going to get a website (make it pretty basic at first) so I can also sell maybe little jewelries or crafty things or something. Just a little extra to help pad the budget when/if I am a stay at home mom.

two months until b-day

Today is November 25th, day after Thanksgiving here in the US. Hope yours was warm and cozy and filling. It's two months until B-day, which is hubby's birthday... but the B could also stand for Baby. Depending on what happens on 1/17/05, the 25th might be a very good time to start trying for a baby. I mentioned in my last post that we have to wait until after that day... especially since my left eye is being a little weird. I hope it gets better by the time January comes so I won't need an enhancement. It's not TOO bad right now, but if I look through just my left eye, I definitely notice a tiny bit of fuzzy astigmatism. It's nothing I would mind living with for the rest of my life if it doesn't get any worse, but I don't know how worse it is right now.

But anyway. I finally told Mom that I don't work at the payday loan place anymore. She asked me why and I gave her the same reasons I gave my old coworker... that I hated putting people in debt (and mom was like "well THEY are putting themselves in debt"... I didn't get into it with her to try and explain that part of my job function was calling the people who don't currently have a loan out with us and asking them if they "needed any help" right then), and that I didn't want to do triple the work anymore, etc etc etc. And I told her that I am a waitress now, and I told her about the work at home thing. She took the whole news better than I thought she would. Just was saying things like I am so smart and should have been using my pharmacy tech certificate (that I let expire in July... she was a little upset about that too... but it's not like I'm using it... even when I first got it I applied to every single pharmacy in the city and nobody hired me... but anyway) and that I'm too smart to be waitressing, etc. But I explained to her that it is a means to an end since I will not be working once we have children. Then she started saying that I am getting old for children. Which I may be, but women today are having healthy children in their late 30's. (Not that I'm going to plan on waiting that long though).

I spoke to hubby. He is up with the extended family and all the children of his cousins. And he got to of course hold the tiny less-than-a-week old baby. While I was talking to him, his mom was in the background saying that she made me cookies. I asked her (through hubby) if she was trying to make me fat. She said no and that she wanted me to get fat a different way. :) So I asked hubby if she wanted HIM to make me fat. :P Getting "fat" because of a growing baby would be very nice indeed. Until I can't fit behind the steering wheel of my car. LOL. But that is a long time coming. Hubby even realizes that it might not happen on the first try. We would be sad of course but we would just keep going and try again the next month, and so on.

baby fever soon to be at an all time high

Since I am now working at a restaurant that is open 24/7/365 (including holidays), and working on the holiday is mandatory, I am not able to go up to Kansas for Thanksgiving this year to see Tim's family. (I wouldn't have been able to had I stayed at my old job either though). So Tim is going up by himself. He told me the other day that one of his cousins is pregnant with her third baby. Another cousin's wife is having her baby on Tuesday and supposed to go home on Thursday. He will likely be able to see and hold that tiny new baby while he is up there. And he told me that he will come home and want SO BADLY to make a baby with me. He already has baby fever so bad right now... I don't know how it could possibly get worse. LOL. Hopefully the fever won't reach its true peak until late January. We need to still wait at least until then b/c my last LASIK followup appointment is on the 17th and I don't want a pregnancy to interfere with that. But my job is going great. :) The home job is going fine too. I just have to be diligent at both of them. Right now they are only scheduling me about 4 days at work which is good and bad... good because it gives me more time to do my home work, but bad because I need that "guaranteed" money. But so far I've been able to pick up a few extra shifts here and there and at other stores to help fix it up a little. And hopefully we'll have a baby by this time next year so I won't have to work Thankgiving next year. :P