Saturday, July 4, 2009

three big stressful waits

I really am surprised that I haven't pulled myself into two pieces from the stress I've been feeling lately. It just seems to keep piling and piling and then when the tiniest bit of relief thinks about being seen, it all of a sudden vanishes and the pile continues to grow anyway. I know I just need to let things go and rely on the Lord to take care of them all. I KNOW this. But it's hard. Nearly impossible. I have always been a planner and "need" to know the whens, whys and hows. I can't just let it sit inside me, though, so every so often I need to write about it. Writing helps me, just a tiny bit, to keep from going to pieces.

I mentioned on Facebook that I have three major "wait for its" right now: the coming baby, potty training for Lydia, and a stable job for hubby. Each item on its own would be stressful enough, but combined, they are a mountain of which I cannot see the top. I pray, I try to be peaceful, I try to be supportive where necessary, I try to think positive... and then I just end up in silent tears at night anyway.

To keep this post from being too much of a downer, I will also do a "count your blessings" thing towards the end. Because really, it could be worse.

Of the three, I think the most stressful to me right now is Tim's job situation. Ever since we moved to Dallas two years ago, it has been inconsistent and unstable and come & go. Right now, he is in a commission-only, independent contractor position. He's been there for about 2 weeks, and it is starting off very VERY slowly. We need about 10 sales/week to just barely make ends meet, and his first two weeks had 6 sales and 4 sales, respectively. He's in the middle of his third week and has only had 5 sales in it, with the two slowest days of the week yet to come. The hours that he currently works make it impossible to get a second job and nearly as hard to have any bit of time at all to look for a different job. I can't work right now since I'd just have to turn around and quit in a few months (besides, Tim doesn't want me to work anyway). It is massively hard to live hopeful and positive day by day not knowing until bedtime if any sales have been made, and then being crushed when the daily total is 1 or even 0.

The second-highest stressor is potty training. This situation could be an entire blog in itself (not an entire post, but an entire blog, lol), so I will try to keep it brief. It started when Mom said that me and my two younger sisters were all potty trained by 18 months. It continued this past week when they were talking about a friend of my nephew's who is nearly 4 and is "not potty trained at all" and the tone of voice they used when discussing that. Then here at home, I read things where this one's child just magically trained themselves overnight one night. That is the most common thing I read. And it is usually with a child who is younger than Lydia. I read tips and signs of readiness and give a half-hearted try, and fail, and just do nothing for a few months. Then I start to think about it again and the stress roller coaster reaches a peak and we try again, and fail again, and I have thoughts of just keeping her in diapers forever since she "obviously" won't be one of those children who just trains themselves overnight. Every time I talk about it to people, they tell me that she's "only" such-and-such an age, and just give it time. So I give it time, and nothing that I can see changes in her development in that time. I talk about it again, and they tell me again that she's "only" such-and-such an age. But then I see or hear of multiple children her same age or even younger than she is who ARE potty trained, and I get discouraged again.

The least stressful of my "big three" is the pregnancy. I wonder if I'll be able to get everything ready in time, or how the baby and Lydia will get along, or what type of personality he/she will have, or if I'll be able to be a good mom to two (since sometimes I wonder if I'm even a good mom to one). I wonder how my labor will be and if my support people will be able to make it here in time to help care for Lydia. I wonder if I'll be early or will go overdue or will deliver at just the right time. All of these things are "normal worries" for pregnancy, and they would be fine on their own, but they are just more dirt on the mountain when combined with the other two.

There, now that my feelings are "out there" I can count my blessings.

1. I have a husband who loves God and me and our daughter and our unborn child.
2. We have an awesome supportive church family who would do anything for us.
3. We have our health.
4. We have a roof over our heads (with a/c even).
5. We're not starving.
6. All of our parents are still alive.
7. I had no trouble getting pregnant either time.
8. My pregnancy is "boringly normal."
9. God loves me and WILL take care of us, in HIS time.


Stephanie said...

Hugs! The only thing I have to offer is what I know you've already heard, HE doesn't give us more than we can bear. You will make it through & the blessings will be so worth the trials.

FWIW--none of my sister's kids PTed before 3 yo. She didn't even START until they were 3...not one little attempt. Then, they managed to get it done w/i a short amount of time. So, I would let that one go by the wayside for a while. I mean, you can hear of LOTS of kids PLing way early...but how many kids do you hear of going to kindergarten still in diapers? Not many, so they all must EVENTUALLY get there, right?

Good Luck & hugs!

Lindsay said...

That is definitely a lot to think about! You guys will be in our prayers, and let us know if there is anything we can do.

Lindsay said...

Oh Andrea, you sound really stressed. I agree with the others, I really don't think you should worry about the potty training so much. It will come. I think I read the *average* age for potty training is around three, which means for every 2 year old that trains, there will be a 4 year old too. And all of those kids are well within normal and none of the parents or kid are better than any others. And when your mom was potty training, the disposable companies weren't as prevalent and EC and EC-like ideas were used a lot more. Do you think maybe your stress about it has rubbed off on to her and she's nervous about it now?

If you really want to try something new, have you heard about the "Potty Train in One Day" book? I've never tried it, or even read it, but I know a friend who used it after not ever talking about the potty before with her daughter and it worked for her. Basically, you buy a doll (I think the book recommends the author's own brand of peeing doll, but I bet any doll would work), and you and your child teach the doll to go on the potty. I noticed with Meredith that for two or three weeks before she potty trained, she was putting her doll on the potty or toilet and making "psss" sounds, so maybe there's something to it. I wouldn't necessarily count on it working in a day, but maybe just take all pressure off of Lydia, don't even mention her going, but help her teach a doll to use the potty? You might want to see if the library near you has the book, because they could probably explain it way better than I can!

Lindsay said...

Oh I also wanted to add that I think that website puts way too much emphasis on celebrating the potty and the potty party. I bet there's a lot of pointing out how the doll can do it right and comparing the kid. It seems like that is putting a lot of pressure on the kid, especially if she is hesitant already. Me personally I would just make it a bit of a game with the doll and not really even bring her into it, if that makes sense?

Anonymous said...

Clicked over from the ds board and am excited to read yer blog! I don't know if this helps, but I HATE potty training. For some reason I really hafta struggle with my nastiness and probably had some attitudes with my first ds I'll always regret. Then a friend shared with me to CALM DOWN and PROMISED he wouldn't go to college not knowing how to use the potty! LOLOL! That really put it in perspective for me, and I was able to just chillax until it happened more easily, more naturally when he was more ready. :) (((((HUGS))))) sandi