the newborn acne saga ends here

No new pictures today. He looks about the same. Just some thoughts, instead. I'm probably a little crazy, but anyway here they are.

So, my peers have babies who have beautiful skin. I don't know a single other in-real-life baby (younger than 6 months old) who has even a little bit of redness. So my baby is red. Maybe it'll go away. Maybe it's eczema. Maybe it's yeast. Maybe the cause will never be known and he'll stay red indefinitely.

And? I'm okay with that. This is MY baby that God saw fit to bless me with. Benjamin is a smiley, happy baby. He doesn't have colic. He is (usually) easy to sooth. He's growing. I wouldn't think that his disposition would be so happy if the rash were bothersome to him.

He's already three months old. Three months! I don't know where the time went. Yes I do. It disappeared while I kept dwelling on his appearance instead of who he is. I don't want to let any more unnecessary time escape, time that I could instead spend watching him grow.

Sure, I'll mention it at his next doctor visit. And maybe he'll outgrow it. Maybe he won't. I'm not going to keep my life on "pause" any more. He and I are getting pictures made on Friday, a gift from Mom. Back when she and I were talking about it, I had the brief thought that his skin would be better come picture time. But I can't hit the "pause" button for life. He will only be three months old once, and then it's gone.

I don't want to miss the important things.

when being abnormal is a bad thing

There were some things in my past that I could classify as abuse. These things caused me to build a little wall. I thought I healed and I thought I tore down the wall, but maybe I didn't. Sometimes being abnormal is OK (like we as Christians are a peculiar people) but sometimes it's not OK. I think that my wall is still there. Sometimes I just feel... not "sad" really, but just emotionless in general, almost like I'm afraid or unable to feel anything very deeply. Like with the birth of my children... I didn't feel a huge adrenaline rush with either one of them. I didn't have thoughts of "OH it's my BABY and you're here and I'm so excited to meet you!" The thoughts were more like "oh, hi baby. You came out. Nice to meet you." When I watch the video of my son's birth, it's evident to me the lack of strong emotions.

Now don't get me wrong, I DO love my kids. But more often than not, it's more of a mental thing than an emotional thing. It's like I am taking care of them and stuff and just going through the motions that I mentally know that I'm "supposed" to, and that's the main driver.

I wouldn't be so concerned, except that from the time I was a child, being a mom was ALL I wanted to do. That was it. I didn't want to have a career when I grew up. Being a mom WAS the career I wanted. Then years later now that I AM a mom, I'm like "this is it? This is all there is?" The excitement and happiness and love that I thought when I was younger that I'd have, just isn't there w/ the expected intensity.

And it's not like I CAN'T feel things intensely. I have before. But just not in the recent past, or even in the short-term past. And I don't know if it's just because I'm getting older or if I really am NOT normal this way, b/c of the wall that I've built. I can't break down this wall myself. But it needs to go. The people around me are suffering and they deserve better. Somewhere on the mess of the dining room/craft table is the book outlining the benefits that Tim gets at his job, and I am going to see if there is some sort of counseling hotline there first. Maybe they can either reassure me or maybe they can refer me for further assistance.

But enough about that. In other news, potty training is actually moving FORWARD with Lydia! Sometime while we were out of town at Thanksgiving, she started being able to reliably go #1 whenever we put her on the potty. And sometimes she could even do #2, too. She totally doesn't feel the urge to go on her OWN yet, and doesn't care or notice if her diaper is wet (like if she's playing or whatever), so I can see this still being a several-months-long process, but I am pleased with some progress, finally.

adjusting slowly but surely

I'm not back to 100% yet, but getting there slowly. Some days I think that I can handle being a mom of two after all. But there are still those hours here and there where I still just wonder what I got myself into and lament the fact that it's too late to change my mind about being a parent even of one child, never mind two. I'm still sleep-deprived although I have started taking a short nap if both of them happen to be napping at the same time. And he is starting to sleep a little more at night, from about 11-6 with one brief waking, so that seems to help a little, too. But right now with him it's just eat, diaper, cry, diaper, eat, eat, cry, diaper, eat, cry, diaper, cry, sleep, sleep, diaper, eat, cry, sleep, diaper. And some of that crying is from me and not from Benjamin, lol.

Lydia continues to be a challenge and a joy at the same time. She continues to randomly get my hopes up for potty training. Like this evening in her bath, she randomly said that she went in the tub, and that she wanted out. I asked her if she wanted to go in her potty and get new bathwater and she said yes, and she went in her potty right away. But all day long, she never mentioned or noticed her diaper, and also said that there was no #2 in a particular diaper when I asked her, but really there was.

Benjamin is still "suffering" from some newborn acne. (It's just visually unappealing, but doesn't seem to bother him at all.) I am ready for it to go away. It had some improvement earlier this month but hasn't made any additional improvement since then, that I can tell. Other than that, though, he's doing well, growing and gaining. On Saturday he was 10 lbs even and 23.5" long. I had that one "awake" smile when he was about 3 weeks old but am still waiting for any more. In the meantime, though, I sure do love the cooing. I don't remember Lydia starting her cooing this early, but Benjamin's been doing it nearly since birth, it seems. Here's a short clip where he has a sound in the beginning and then a few more near the end.

two is hard, really hard

Several months ago, I posted about three big things that I was waiting on that were causing me a great deal of stress. Two of those waits (a job for hubby and the arrival of Benjamin) are now finished. I am thankful to God EVERY DAY for how those items ended up. Tim loves his job. It's an awesome fit for him. It's something that he can do for the rest of his life. It meets our needs. And as for Benjamin, we were able to have a successful homebirth which went very smoothly.

The third wait (Lydia's potty training) is once again at a standstill. She doesn't understand the process or notice her internal signals. At all. Her 3-year well-child visit is in about 6 weeks, and since I doubt that anything will change between now and then, I plan on asking her doctor about it. I have had other parents give me tips and stuff that worked for their children, but I don't know... maybe I'll just feel better if I hear from the doctor that she's still normal and not to worry about anything. And maybe she'll even have some suggestions that I haven't heard yet, and I could try those. There are a few things that I haven't tried (like having her run around in regular panties or w/o anything on her bottom at all)... but now that Benjamin's here, it would be hard to chase her around with a bottle of Resolve. We live in a tiny, yardless apartment where the only non-carpeted areas are the kitchen and the bathroom, and the latter might as well be carpeted b/c of all the bathmats that are in it. And the kitchen linoleum gets very slippery when wet, so I don't want her to fall and be afraid of the whole thing. But I am just waiting for now.

But aside from that, getting to the title of my post today... being a mom of two is hard, WAY WAY harder than being a mom of one. People have told me that going from one to two the hardest, harder even than going from two to three (maybe I need to hurry up and have #3 and that'll "cure" me, haha). But I had NO IDEA that it would be this difficult. My nearly 3 year old is becoming increasingly defiant, and I don't know if it's her age or if she's just testing me b/c of the new situation. I'm exhausted all the time and can't "sleep when the baby sleeps" like I could when I just had one, b/c otherwise my toddler would wreak havoc. Benjamin so far seems to be a more difficult baby than Lydia was, or maybe I'm just not remembering her early days very clearly. Stir in a significant helping of postpartum hormones and a mild to moderate case of the baby blues, and it's just not an appetizing mixture at all. I'm hoping to feel better in the next few weeks, but in the meantime, I am just taking one day at a time, one hour at a time. As hectic as this time is, I know that it'll pass way too soon, so I need to try to find the enjoyable moments and remember those.

And on that note, here's another few pictures from the past couple of weeks.

Hanging out in the living room.


Benjamin and his daddy.


A bad case of newborn acne... 19 days old is too young to be going through adolescence already.

baby has arrived and it's a....

boy!

I have a son now. Benjamin Luke was born at home on Saturday, October 10th at 2:08 a.m. He weighed 8 lbs 12 oz and was 22 inches long... with a 14.25" head! The birth was amazing and I'm so glad we chose to have him at home.

Lydia loves him so far and always wants to help me with him. She was even going to put him in his car seat for me the other day. So far, she doesn't do a lot of talking to him, but she does like to stand there and watch him and touch his hands and feet. Here she is holding him for the first time, when he was one day old.


And here's Benjamin at 7 days old, smiling in his sleep.


Tim's new job is going fine. He's still in training and is enjoying himself. He came home the other day with a HUGE box of uniforms. I am excited about that, because it means that I won't have to wash his work clothes every day like I did back when he was working at places where he only had 2 or so uniforms instead of 5-6.

My work is going fine as well. I got on with the third new transcription company but then had to turn around and request a leave of absence right away. I had Benjamin between the time I sent in my paperwork and when they wanted me to start work, and with the grandmas coming over and staying and just new-baby chaos in general, combined with the schedule they wanted me to work, adding in a few other things that I need to do before the end of the month... there was just no way I could do that transcription right now. I emailed them and asked if I could come back in January instead and they said that would be fine.

Tim's mom came down for a week before the baby was here and stayed for a few days afterwards, then the same day she left, my mom was able to come down and stay for a few days as well. Everyone is gone now, though, so when Tim goes back to work tomorrow, I will need to learn a new normal. It will be interesting to see how it all plays out.

I have a series of chiropractor appointments for the next few weeks, and also need to find some time to make our Halloween costumes. The four of us are dressing up as a theme this year, and I am so excited to see how it will come out.

drawing for a free sling and swaddling set

Hi all,

I came across this drawing to enter and win a free Sakura Bloom Linen Ring Sling AND some Aden and Anais Muslin Swaddling Blankets. Go check it out!

and then she was two

Last year:


Today:


Another year has come and gone, much more quickly than her first year. She continued with her firsts this year, with her first steps and her first word. Now she's talking in a few sentences and nearly running.

I am still nursing her. I never imagined "not" nursing a toddler and had set 18 months as my minimum goal. I am very happy and blessed to have reached a 2-year milestone. She of course doesn't nurse as often as a newborn, and here and there we skip a day entirely. I think that both of us would be OK if either of us wanted to quit, but it's nice to still have this relationship for now.

I haven't had her 2-year appointment yet but she is about 32 inches tall and 25 lbs. She is still rear-facing in her carseat, and loves to take her shoes off within seconds of being in the car. Then when I go to get her out, I ask her where the shoes went, and she points over the side of her chair.

She knows what she wants but doesn't always have the words to express it, and will end up hollering if she doesn't get her way. She also has learned a trick of putting her arms straight up when I pick her up around the ribs, and nearly can slip out of my grasp that way. She also runs away when I say "give mama kiss" or "let's go to bed" lol.

She has a wonderful smile and laugh and says thank you and you're welcome and sometimes shares. She eats everything you put in front of her and takes her plate to the sink by herself. She's still too short to put it up on the counter though so I have to help her do that. She loves phones and will hold them to her ear and say "anybody there?" I wouldn't trade her for anything.

What will happen this next year? Hopefully another first... potty training!

maybe we should have just come back home on saturday morning

So the hubs and the babe and I went up to Oklahoma to meet up w/ his parents on Wednesday, then Thursday and Friday we were in Kansas. Friday afternoon through today were planned to be in Oklahoma again, to see some old friends at church here and also to visit hubby's grandfather in rural Oklahoma on Saturday, a short trip away. It was a good plan.

Saturday morning came and we got up and had breakfast and hubby and baby and hubby's dad and I all rode out to his grandfather's house. We'll call him (the grandfather who we were going to go visit) C. C has a little dog, tiny little 8-lb so thing, we'll call him P. P is getting old, and even when he was younger, you couldn't touch his tail at all or he'd turn around at you and act all vicious. And if he was sitting up in C's lap, you couldn't touch C at all, or P would start to growl. These habits continue today. We had been at C's house for an hour and a half or so, and Lydia was having fun and walking around and talking to the dog who was just looking at her and being friendly. Hubby's aunt and uncle were there too and we were all visiting, while I tried to keep an eye on Lydia. The dog was over to the side and from what I saw, Lydia sat down right in front of the dog. Then I hear a bark and see a jump and Lydia starts crying. The dog had been right up in her face. We didn't see anything at first, but then after a minute, there was some blood. There was a tiny little wound right between Lydia's eyes, on the bridge of her nose. Even today, we never found the other tooth mark, so we are thinking that the tooth just scraped her while P was barking, rather than P intending to bite. We cleaned the bite right away and C said that P has had all his shots, and Lydia's sore today is just a tiny scab w/ no redness around it or anything.

Then this morning when we were getting ready for church, I was drying Lydia's hair w/ the blow dryer, and hubby was holding her hand so she wouldn't walk out of drying range. She's picked up a bad habit where if she doesn't want to walk w/ me or stand by me and hold my hand, she will do the jelly leg thing and just lay down on the floor. She tried to do this with hubby this morning, and hubby didn't let go fast enough and felt her wrist pop. Lydia cried. She was in a lot of pain. Even when she fell on the sidewalk earlier this month and hit her head, she didn't cry like she did this morning. I have NEVER heard her cry like this before, not even through vaccinations or anything. It was absolutely heartbreaking. She did not want to move her arm or wrist or hand at all b/c it was hurting her so bad. I sent hubby out for some children's motrin, and that helped. She stopped crying and we went on to church, intending to see her doctor tomorrow.

Meanwhile, on the drive TO church, right in the middle of the highway, we suddenly hear the thumpathumpathumpathumpa of a flat tire. The thing is shredded. So much for us leaving to go back to Dallas after church. Now we had to try to find a tire place that was 1) open on Sunday afternoon and 2) had the tire we needed in stock. We finally found that place at Walmart. We dropped the car off and hubby's mom took us to get some lunch and then we were finally on our way after that, and arrived home w/o further incident.

But back to Lydia's arm. I took Lydia to the little 2 and 3 yr olds' class and sat in there w/ her to watch her. She just let her left arm dangle, completely unused and motionless, to her side, and used her right hand to touch the stuff they passed out and took back up, as the teacher talked about creation and other things. After class, we went back out into the auditorium to get ready for the second worship service, and chatted w/ a few people who we didn't get to talk to earlier since we were late b/c of the tire. One of them, not knowing that Lydia's arm was very tender, took her arm and shook hands w/ her. The same tears and painful cry started again, but this time they stopped pretty quickly. And then later on, I noticed that she started using her hand again, a little more, a little more... then at the final song where we stand up, Lydia was holding onto my hand w/ her "bad" arm and to hubby's mom's hand w/ her good arm... and she was PULLING on us with both arms! Then throughout the afternoon w/ the tire drama, it was as if she had never injured it at all. I am so thankful to God that He helped take the pain in her arm away so quickly, because there is no doubt in my mind that His finger was on it.

the glass doesn't have feelings, hon

I keep a glass of water next to the computer, and sometimes when Lydia walks by it, she wants a drink from it, rather than from her sippy cup. I usually try to direct her to her cup, but sometimes I'll give her a sip. I was taking it down for her earlier tonight, and I bumped the desk with it. Lydia then touched the desk, and with great concern, said "owie?" and then repeatedly touched the glass and said "you hurt? you hurt? you hurt?" It was so cute. She wouldn't even take a drink until I stopped laughing and explained that desks and glasses don't have feelings and can't get hurt like people can. Sometimes when I bump her or when she bumps herself, she'll say owie and hurt, but this is the first time she's said it for something other than herself. It was so cute.

a speech explosion

I think it's finally happening, a speech explosion. She is finally starting to say "change diaper" to me when I get her up in the morning and from her nap (but not at any other times, so potty training is still WAY far away). And over the weekend, she said a few more new things: "I'm going to get you!" (came out "I ge ge you!" lol), "wash you leg" and "wipe nose and mouth." The "wash you leg" phrase, she said in the shower as she was rubbing a washcloth on my leg, and the "wipe nose and mouth" she said when she was on the changing table, so I handed her a (cloth) wipe, and she used it to wipe her nose and mouth. :) She knows fast and slow now, and we're working on up and down, and she can sometimes count to two.

Speaking of two, it's only a couple of weeks until she turns that age. The week afterwards, a couple of friends of ours are going to host a birthday party for Lydia at their house. I'm so excited for it. :) But before then, I have something to do nearly every Saturday between now and then, including going out of town and watching an OU game at someone's house and going out of town again and a ladies' brunch. I have no time to just watch the calendar days go by, lol.

This Friday our apartment office is having Thanksgiving dinner and inviting all the residents to come by and eat, so Lydia and I will go make an appearance. They're serving all the classics, my favorites: corn on the cob, green bean casserole, sweet potatoes, pumpkin and pecan pie, turkey, gravy, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes and rolls. Yum yum. Then for "real" Thanksgiving we plan on going up to see hubby's family, like usual.

back from a not-so-relaxing trip home

I just got back today from an 8-day trip home for a visit. Lydia and I went to my parents' house. A friend of ours who we've known pretty much her whole life had gotten married in their hometown on the 2nd, and I went to the wedding, and since it was a long drive to get there, decided to make a visit out of it, too.

I say the trip was not so relaxing b/c my mom still watches all 3 of my nephews. This week, one of them wasn't there b/c my sister took some vacation time, but the other two are so hard on her. There are a 2 yr old and a 4.5 yr old, and they are brothers. The 2 year old can open doors and climb things, and both were highly resistant to naps all week, even though they both still desperately need a daily nap. They constantly stress my mom out and push limits (limits? what limits? Doesn't something have to be consistently enforced to really be an effective limit?), and then my mom releases the stress on whoever is closest, whether it's one of them or whether it's me.

But before all that, there was the wedding. She was the acting "wedding coordinator" for the weekend, helping to tell everyone where to stand and when to walk in with and who to be escorted by, etc. The wedding overall went OK in that they did end up married in the end, lol, but the cake and the sound system (it was an outdoor wedding and indoor reception) were two major problems that the bride's parents are still trying to get some satisfaction from. But it was beautiful and I know the bride and groom are going to be so happy together. :)

Some brief Lydia highlights from the trip, now. Mom has a little wading pool that she has been letting the boys play in, so we added Lydia to the mix. The water level was just at the height so that when she was on her hands and knees, her head was still above water. She LOVED playing in the water. Then at one point, she was sitting, and somehow she slipped and slid completely under the water. I was nervous about that happening, but when it actually did happen, I was so calm, and I just reached over and lifted her back out. She coughed a bit. I stood up and held her, and she started crying. I thought she was crying b/c the experience had scared her, and I was trying to comfort her, but it turns out that she was crying b/c she wanted back IN the water. I lowered her back down and she stopped crying the very moment that her feet touched the surface. :p

She was also highly entertaining to everyone, including her little cousins. She has a laugh that she does occasionally that sounds like a cackle, and she treated us to that laugh last night. :p She learned better how to climb on things, courtesy of her cousins. My parents have a carpeted staircase, and Lydia has been able to climb UP stairs for a long time, so we worked on going DOWN stairs (backwards, on her tummy) and she got pretty good at that, too. She also learned how to sit just in a regular seat while she ate, instead of a high chair.

Her size 3 diapers were fitting her, but she kept leaking through them, so I had my mom get her some size 4s and they worked out better. At one point, I was changing her, and she had grabbed the clean diaper, and opened it up. Apparently it looked like a flip-phone to her b/c she put it to her head and said "Hello?" lol

And also this week, a bittersweet realization. There were a few times that b/c of the hour or something else, I had to put Lydia down for a nap or for the night w/o nursing her (those are the last two sessions that we still do consistently). I expected her to NOT go to sleep, but she surprised me and went to sleep within about 5 minutes the first time, and w/in about 20 seconds all the other times. :( I guess she doesn't "need" me anymore, and if I had to wean her for one reason or another, she would be OK with it. I still want to try to nurse her at least until she's 2, though. Only 4 months to go until that milestone.

Speaking of nursing, there was one instance this week where I was VERY glad that I was still nursing her. We were visiting my sister's house, and she has a brick area by her fireplace that's about 12 inches tall. Lydia was walking by it, and she tripped over some toys and fell into it, and landed right on the corner of that brick w/ her cheek. :( She was so upset. I nursed her briefly, until she was comforted, and until the initial sharp pain had dulled some. It's times like that when I realize that there's so much more to nursing than just "the milk." I hope that our nursing relationship continues on through more bumps that she will inevitably get.

more miscellaneous updates

DH's dad may have first-stage kidney disease. I can't remember if he's still in the hospital or if they let him go home, but he's going to have more tests run on Monday. He went in for chest pains, which is the second time in the past few years that he's done this. Last time it ended up being his esophagus. I'm glad it's not his heart, but he needs his kidneys, too. I hope it's something treatable, and more, I hope that he actually makes the necessary lifestyle changes that they tell him to (he hasn't really done that in the past).

DH got Lydia to say "cheese" the other day (with some actual cheese, not like "say cheese" for taking a picture or something, lol), so that now brings her total word count up to.... 2. Ok maybe 4-5 since she does say "daddy" and "nap" and "cup" occasionally too. But cheese is still brand new so it's just in imitation. Diaper, though, she easily uses spontaneously and appropriately. Like usually I'll do diaper laundry while she's taking a nap, and I'll stack them up just outside her bedroom door. When she wakes up, if I open the door but then jump away before she can see me, she'll see all the diapers on the floor and be like "diaper? diaper? diaper?" lol. She can now point to her nose, tummy/belly, teeth and hair. We're still working on eyes, ears and mouth. Oh and the other day, every time the phone rang, she would walk into the kitchen and look up to where the phone was. (We have a phone in the living room too, that actually has the louder ringtone, but only the kitchen one has the caller ID on it, lol). And if I say "kiss" then she'll start making kissy noises. And she's finally working on her 7th tooth... and her 8th, 9th, and I think 10th as well (two molars and the other one/two lower incisors). Poor little girl, no wonder she's been so frustrated lately.

Her therapy's going well. She gets SO excited when M comes over. It was funny this week, b/c Lydia was so excited for a good 10 minutes that I couldn't show M all the stuff she'd learned how to do since last time. I'd ask her to do something, and she'd just grin and giggle and run away. M brought over a flyer w/ a playgroup that's on Monday mornings. It happens to fit into my tight schedule, so I may go check it out.

DH's work continues to go better. April was still a little scary b/c he "lost" a few deals from earlier in the month, and the few others that he sold on the 15th (the last day of the pay period) didn't get booked until the next day, so he didn't get a check at all on the 23rd. But he's sold 6 cars for May already (they call it a "locate" where the customer wants a particular vehicle that's at either a different dealership, or it's something that's not in stock anywhere yet). So that's good news. He's still keeping his eye out for something else... but for now I feel like I can breathe again. I actually slept w/o worry last night for the first time in a long time. Oh and due to a subtraction error, when balancing my checkbook yesterday, I found an "extra" $30, so that's always nice.

Plus my tiny business is "thinking" of picking up, too. I'm getting a few inquiries here and there, which is the first step to sales. But I'm not having a lot of time to devote to it right now what with all my other duties and activities going on. I'm going to try really hard to take a "break" from online this weekend and get caught up on my to-do list. I won't be able to stay entirely off, but hopefully I can limit it and actually get some stuff done. Plus DH will be happy if I'm at least off the computer while he's home.

give mama kisses

she threw away some trash

I am so excited. You just don't understand how excited I am. :)

You may remember from my Big Organization pictures a while back that our bedroom has an extra sink, by the closet. It's about 10 feet away from the main bedroom door. I have a little trash can there. Lydia frequently likes to look in there and get stuff out of it. I stop her and tell her that it's trash and yucky and don't touch, etc. Here's a picture where you can kind of see the setup. You can see the light switch on the right, the main bedroom door is right next to that. The sink and trash can in question are in the background of the picture.



So yesterday, I'm getting ready at that sink for church in the morning, and Lydia is right there. She picks up a little piece of paper, and throws it into the trash. I said "Oh did you throw away the trash for me?" and went on.

About 5 minutes later, she's crawling around, and she gets to the bedroom door, and finds another piece of paper. I had also gone over to the bedroom door too, to make sure she didn't get into anything dangerous. She holds the paper up for me to see, and I say "Oh did you find another piece of trash? Can you throw it away like you did before with the other one?" That's all I said. I may have glanced in the direction of the trash can, but I sure didn't actively point at it or show it to her or anything. Then she brings it back down to her level, looks at it for half a second, and then she crawls RIGHT OVER to the trash can and throws it away! I was so excited. Hubby was in the shower and heard me squealing. LOL

Anyway I didn't know if this was normal/late/good/bad whatever, but it was exciting anyway. :)

Who does Lydia look like?

MyHeritage: Family tree - Genealogy - Celeb - Collage - Morph

WOW! I'm surprised at this. From birth, everyone's been saying that Lydia looks like her dad. When I used "adult" pictures, it says that she looks like us both equally. So I used baby pictures in this one and the one below, and it says she looks like me? I'm confused! I still don't think she looks like me yet, but computers tell the truth, right? :P

a sign and a dance

Lydia FINALLY has her first signed word. :D She started it in the past couple of days or so. It's "more." :D She doesn't do it exactly right, but it's easy to tell what it is. I'm very excited about this because I have signed with her for MONTHS and she's done nothing back to me. I thought she never would. You can see her sign in the first 4-5 seconds of this first video. The rest of it is showing how she likes to dance. :D



And then here's a little more dancing too (and eating some peas, lol). She actually lets go of the furniture in this one, which is what she usually does.

one "step" at a time

Lydia is getting stronger in her legs and torso. She'll pull up to her toybox and then grab a toy, then let go with her other hand to investigate the toy with both hands. Or she'll be pulled up to the ottoman or couch and she'll let go with both hands to randomly clap and grin.

Prior to yesterday, though, she had to "get" to a standing position. I couldn't just set her down in a standing position and have her stay there. But she had been bouncing and twisting while not holding on to anything, so yesterday I thought I'd try again to set her down in a stand... and she stood! She kept "squatting" like she was going to sit down but then she'd get back up again.

And she even tried to take a step. But only with her left foot, and only ONE step. After that first step, her feet would be so far apart that she didn't know what to do from there, so she'd sit down and crawl. Later in the evening after we got home from church, we tried to encourage her to walk again, and she took about a step and a half before falling. I'm pretty sure she'll be walking sometime this month (finally!).

Then once she's mastered that skill, hopefully she can concentrate on learning to talk, because we STILL don't have any words here, and she'll be 15 months on Wednesday.

one year ago today

One year ago today, I hadn't yet found out that my little child was a girl.

One year ago today, I was completely surprised by going into labor a few days early (since most of my family went late with their first babies).

One year ago today, hubby and I were running last-minute errands, even while I was in labor.

One year ago today, a friend took some VERY last-minute maternity portraits of us.

One year ago today, we packed too much stuff to take to the hospital.

One year ago today, I knew that the 9 months of anticipation and waiting and wondering would be over soon, but a new phase of wonder would soon begin.

One year ago today, I never imagined that the next year would go by so quickly.

One year ago today, I started to capture a new little life in pictures, and wish I had taken more.

One year ago today, I finally met the little one whose foot I had been playing with while she was inside me.

One year ago today, I heard my child's voice for the first time.

One year ago today, I was surprised again by a newborn with a lot of hair since hubby and I were somewhat bald.

One year ago today, I first counted tiny fingers and toes in amazement.

One year ago today, I nursed a baby for the first time.

One year ago today was filled with dreams and unknowns and bonding yet to be, and this past year was filled with a love so intense it sometimes made me cry.

One year ago today, my little child was born. May her next year and all the years of her life be filled with unending love and blessings. Happy Birthday, Lydia.

saying words before she can talk

Babies of course make all sorts of random noises, and occasionally those noises match up with what could be construed as a word.

At 3 weeks old, she said "yes." Or a version of it, anyway. :P We were visiting out of town family, and one of my aunts was holding her, but Lydia was getting a little tired and hungry and was fussing. My aunt asked her if she wanted her mama, and in the middle of Lydia's fussing, she said a very clear "uh huh."

Then pretty much nothing until the past month or so. At church about 5 weeks or so ago, hubby was holding her and she looked at him and said "da da", only it came out more like "duh duh." She hasn't done that since, though, so we're not counting that yet. She's also said "ma ma" similarly, but I'm not counting that either, b/c it's usually not just "ma ma", but instead "mum mum mum mum mum."

After I feed her, I hold her and ask her if she needs to burp. Usually she still does, even at her ripe old age. She'll talk a bit before the burp comes up, and one time I had just asked her if she needed to, and she said "Bup." But it was more like "Buh - puh." where the second syllable was just a puff of air.

Changing subjects now briefly, when she was just a few weeks old I was getting nervous because I thought it was taking an awfully long time to "bond" with her, despite my having a drug-free birth and breastfeeding right away and staying with her all the time, all of which are supposedly supposed to help enhance the bonding process. But, it has indeed been a process and not something that happened instantly or even very quickly. Now, though, I have no doubt that I've bonded with her. The way she looks at me, the smiles we share, the sweet songs that she sings and squeaks, the learning I can see through her eyes, the touch of her little hands... all these and more just make me want to melt or burst or laugh or cry or squeeze her or kiss her or just sit and enjoy watching her... or everything at once. It's so amazing being a mom.

the woes of the sippy cups

Well, Lydia knows very well how NOT to drink from a sippy cup. So far we just have Gerber ones, both soft spout and hard spout, but these are so spill-proof that you also have to actually suck pretty hard on them to get any liquid out at all. Nothing will come out if you chew or bite even the soft spout (which is all she does... no sucking on it at all). I hesitate to get some of the sippy cups that have a spout that's a little more forgiving of an imperfect suck, b/c I don't want her to get into the habit of biting to make fluid come out and then get a "normal" sippy cup and think it's broken or empty b/c nothing comes out when she bites it. I've tried a straw but that only works for sips at a time, and only when I hold my finger over it and let a little dribble out from the bottom. I've even tried just a cup by itself, and she either helps me tip it back way too far and too fast and gets too much and chokes on it, doesn't get any at all, or gets just the right amount but lets it dribble out of her mouth. I keep asking around and babies way younger than Lydia have mastered even the hard-spout sippy cups, and then I feel bad that I didn't introduce it to her sooner, and I wonder if she'll ever "get" it. Surely she will eventually. I mean, she won't stay a baby forever, right? I won't have to pack some bottles to send her off to college with, right?